5 Crappy Interview Scenarios You Encounter After Graduating
The day has finally come. You're armed with a piece of paper that cost you (your family and the government) a fortune, and you feel ready to conquer the world.
However, once those “best wishes” envelopes run dry, it's time to get serious about finding a job.
But, you can't find a job unless you go through the awful ordeal that is the interview process.
Sometimes, you'll breeze right through one and sometimes, your interviewer will make you feel like you should have repeated third grade, but regardless of the outcome, there is always something you can learn from these experiences.
Here are five types of interviews you might come across, and how to make sure you get the most out of each one:
1. The “HR Guru” Interview:
This interviewer is by the book.
He or she has read all of those long-winded articles you cruise by on your LinkedIn feed.
Hell, he or she probably wrote a few of them and will put the knowledge to work.
Buckle up because this will be a 90-minute stroll down memory lane, i.e. that organizational behavior class you took sophomore year to boost your GPA.
Now what were the five keys to using successful body language in the workplace again?
Pro: You get a thorough debrief when you don't get the job. You kind of hate the interviewer, but at least you got helpful feedback.
Con: Be strong, my friend. Nothing is worse than holding back tears during that 15-minute rejection call as you grit your teeth and think, “Chickpeas for dinner, again.”
2. The “Group” Interview:
If as a child you were ever forced to play with your parents' friends' loser offspring while the adults ran off to knock back vino, prepare yourself to relive such strangeness here.
Sandwiched between one nut-job candidate who doesn't have a chance in hell and some girl wearing an outfit that's better than yours, it's a juggling game of self-confidence.
This interview mainly consists of icebreakers (read: silly games). They want to see your people skills, so suck it up and play nice.
Pro: Huge confidence boost (assuming one candidate is really bad).
Con: Something about interviewing for an adult job and reliving childhood play dates doesn't seem right.
3. The “Are You Hot Enough For This Job?” Interview:
Ah, the service industry. Ten minutes tops answering irrelevant questions while the scumbag manager checks you out. (What does my five-year plan have to do with fetching steaks for corporate hotshots?)
You walk out feeling like you just blew it with your seventh-grade crush, leading right up to the big dance.
Hey, he doesn't know how great you are… or did you have something in your teeth? Too much makeup? Not enough? Forget it, you have a brain! Get hired for that.
Pro: Um … I'll get back to you on that one.
Con: You realize you have finally lowered your self-worth in order to make a (somewhat) living wage.
4. The “Job You Realize You Actually Don't Want Halfway Through The Interview” Interview
The hours suck, the pay is 100 percent commission-based and the daily work sounds pretty demeaning and boring.
Sure, you could cut this short by, I don't know, starting to drool or something, but why not take the opportunity to practice a bit more and try out some new material, stress-free?
Pro: You'll probably get hired.
Con: You'll decline and shed a tear as you think of your dwindling bank account.
5. The “Slacker Job” Interview
This one is probably done over the phone, and the employer is essentially just screening to make sure you're not a mass murderer.
The employer may be shocked to learn that an educated, normal person like you even applied for this crap via Craigslist.
Don't act all high and mighty; you've been applying to jobs on Craigslist via stolen café WiFi for weeks.
Pro: It's a paycheck.
Con: So college turned out to be a really expensive book club?
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