Everyone has at least two of the following seven types of guys in their immediate group of friends. These are seven different personality traits that are a burden to your mission of enjoying yourself in any given environment. As annoying and stressful as these tendencies may be, it almost seems that these guys have to behave this way to have a good time or feel at home.
You secretly want to just grab them by the throat and make them aware of how much they piss you off at times but you can’t because it’s so utterly entertaining to watch these people act as if none of these antics are abnormal at all. Here are the seven most annoying types of guys to have in your crew.
This is the friend who pretty much brings nothing to the table. He’s constantly asking for things from you, though he rarely every reciprocates with anything. He’s the type of kid who will tell you he “quit buying weed” but then will come over and want to smoke yours. Your group of friends often refer to him as “the mooch” or “the scavenger”, and though he always denies it, deep down he knows exactly what he’s doing.
Classic line: “Yo, can I get on that?”
This is the hothead of the group. It’s okay to have a friend who’s a hothead if he can legitimately fight anyone who messes with him, it’s another thing when he’s just a short Jew with a Napoleonic complex. This is the guy who is always looking for a fight that he can’t handle.
He talks shit whenever he gets drunk and therefore forces his friends to have to fight for him. He means well, but is a huge liability, causing many of your nights to end with a punch in the face or bailing him out of jail.
Classic line: “Bro, I would have had him.”
Mr. Never Pulls Through
This is the friend who always has a big plan. He talks a big game, but he can’t back it up. He’s constantly coming up with these extravagant ideas that he claims he can pull off, yet they never come to fruition. He’s you’re least reliable friend, yet still acts as if you owe him something. When he occasionally comes through, he’s the man, but it’s nowhere near enough to compensate for his slew of failures. He’s a great idea man, but a terrible executer.
Classic line: “The guy who’s usually at the door isn’t working tonight.”
Mr. One up
This is the friend who always has to one-up you on anything you do. If you made out with a girl last night at a club, he got a handy on the dance floor. If you had sex last night, he got a girl pregnant. He’s your most showy friend who constantly feels the need to flaunt his parent’s money and talk shit about everyone else.
He’s a good guy to have around when he occasionally goes on a spending binge and buys everyone a round of shots, but otherwise he’s really just a douche.
Classic line: “ My Dad will take care of it.”
This is the friend who always has a girlfriend either with him or on the phone. He’s so whipped he practically can’t go anywhere without his latest. She has become an appendage on your group of friends because she is constantly around, even during the football game.
When he gets a “night off” from her to hang with the guys, he spends most of the night staring at his phone, secretly wishing he was with her to diffuse whatever anxiety attack she’s having this time. If she’s good for him, you let it slide because you know he can’t do better, but if she’s a bitch, you try and get him drunk so he can cheat on her and finally ex her from your group.
Classic line: “Is it cool if Sarah comes?”
This is the friend who pretty much is just there. He doesn’t do anything wrong, but he doesn’t do anything right either. If he vanished in thin air, or got abducted by the Taliban, no one would even notice. You grew up with him and were forced to be friends because your parents were friends, and therefore you were never able to shake him off.
Sometimes he breaths heavily like the guy from Hey Arnold causing you to want to pull off a Helga Pataki and rock him in the face. He’s in no way a bad guy; he’s just not the guy you want to be rolling with to any party. He also gets no pussy due to his lack of presence and confidence in his own personality or image.
Classic line: “————“
Mr. Debbie Downer
This is the friend who always has a frown on his face. He shoots down everyone’s ideas yet never seems to come up with any of his own. He’s miserable to be around and can suck the fun out of anything. He can be ignored when you’re in a group of friends, but being stuck one-on-one with him can make any guy want to blow his brains out.
Classic line: “This sucks”
Tyler Gildin | Elite.