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9 Reasons Why Your 4th of July Party Is Actually Unpatriotic

Tomorrow is the day we celebrate the USA being the sh*t. Make sure you don't do anything un-American at your 4th of July BBQ and avoid these Patriotic faux-pas.

1-The Soundtrack Is Your Lil Wayne Playlist

After his flag-stomping incident? Really? Where is the Bruce?


2- You're Serving French Fries

They are FREEDOM FRIES.


3- You Are Literally Wearing An American Flag

 

There will inevitably be that one bitch that takes an actual American flag and ties it around her tits like a slutty Uncle Sam. Earth-to-Skank: the American flag is sacred and it isn't even supposed to be folded, let alone twisted around your love handles.


4- You're Drinking Coronas

You might have gotten your holiday/drinking excuses mixed up. This isn't Cinco de Mayo. You should be serving Bud Light, Sam Adams or Miller because if there is one thing that says “America,” it's beer.


5-You Don't Give Out Your WiFi Password

What is this Communist China? We don't have Internet blocks here in America and neither should you.


6- You Black Out & Forget What The Holiday Is Even For

There is a stark difference between you celebrating your country and what it stands for and you not knowing what country you're standing in.


7- You Eat Too Many Wieners

Easy there, J. Edgar Hoover.


8-You Don't Spark Something

Whether it be a firework or a blunt, there is no excuse not to light something up on Independence Day…The Rockets Red Glare/Bombs Bursting In Air…hello???


9-There Are No Competitive Games

Celebrate with a spirited game of flipcup or “touch” football. Your 4th of July party must have some sort of competitive sport. The best way to celebrate USA is to crush all competition. Greatest country in the world! O'Doyle Rules!

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Kayla Inglima

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Kayla is an intellectual, comical, organized mess. She believes that filters are only for coffee & Instagram - hence she says what is on her mind at all times. She likes sushi and wine and being cynical while remaining a likable human. Grad ...
Kayla is an intellectual, comical, organized mess. She believes that filters are only for coffee & Instagram - hence she says what is on her mind at all times. She likes sushi and wine and being cynical while remaining a likable human. Grad ...

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