The Types Of Broken Men That Exist In Society

The Types Of Broken Men That Exist In Society
Life
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

It’s no surprise that women are broken considering the men we have to deal with. True, there are many fish in the sea, but so many of them suck that it’s like finding Nemo to come across a good one. Off the top of my head, here are some of the types of broken men that exist in our society.

Cocky Douchebag

Scott Disick turns 30 with 'Lord Disick-Style' birthday bash at Hyde Bellagio

These are literally the worst. Most women can’t stand talking to this guy for more than five minutes without wanting to seriously hurt him. You won’t even be able to reject him because before you get the chance, he’s already making out with himself. The worst part is that he usually thinks he can get a lot more girls than he’s capable of, and his exaggerated confidence will lead him to say sh*t to you like “So when are we gonna bang?” or another similar, yet equally uncomfortable statement that is extremely off-putting in every way. (First of all you lost me when you used the word “bang”).

This guy thinks he’s too good for everyone and that he doesn’t owe anyone sh*t except for his presence, when the truth is he should be paying people to chill with him. He’s too busy being a pretentious dick and bragging about something that has little to no importance to even notice that people feel that way, though. I guess ignorance is bliss.


Napoleon Complex

tumblr_m3boehztXX1qe52v7o1_500

These men are fragile and need to be handled with extra care.  Not only metaphorically, but literally.  They will pretend that they have the right to be assh*les because of their napoleon complexes. Seriously, it’s f*cked up. Short men feel inferior to other men and therefore spend their entire lives failing to make up for it in other ways.

Be careful- these men can be clingy because they need to feel wanted in order to boost their self-esteem. They also will always exaggerate their height by an inch (as well as their penis size). I think the worst thing about these broken men is that we can’t wear heels without feeling awkward standing next to them.


Ex-Frat Stars

tumblr_m931fkqCfe1qm44gao1_500

Not all ex-frat stars are the broken kind, but when they are, you’ll know as soon as they graduate. The problem with these “men” is that they’re used to being a big deal and everyone giving a sh*t about them in the fake world we call college. Now, they’re washed up and realize that you actually need a personality and good looks to be successful with women in the real world.

Nobody cares about the sh*t he pulled in college and won’t put up with it now – and this guy has trouble getting used to that concept. Be careful, a guy like this becomes desperate when he realizes that girls wont throw themselves at him like they did when he was a frat star.


Club Promoter

bottle-service

Then there are the 40 something year old club promoters. Oops, I mean “25″ (you can tell they’re not really 25 when you see them during the day- wrinkles and all). They’re like vampires: only cool at night and then when you see them out during the day they have zero swag. These men are broken in multiple ways, with the main root being family issues and not getting enough attention growing up.

They were like the Kevin Gs of their high schools back in the 70s or some sh*t. Or maybe they never felt “cool,” so of course partying with girls young enough to be their daughters is the prime of their so-called career. Club promoters are notorious not only for gypsy-ing their way into clubs, but also for  snatching the virginities of naive, fresh meat when they first move into the city.


Ex-College Athletes

tumblr_inline_mmwftftzTQ1qz4rgp

This guy thinks he’s all high and mighty because he was a second string QB for his college’s football team. News flash buddy: you didn’t make it pro, so you need to get off your high horse and get a reality check. Their main issue is that they realized they wasted four years of college working their asses off every day for no reason. No one in the working world is impressed by your glory days. Stop living in the past and focus on your future: a desk job.


Entrepreneur

tumblr_lyxy90Fk7c1r79qtko1_500

The problem with these men is that they are always focusing on themselves and what they can accomplish next. They put all of their energy into satisfying themselves rather than satisfying you. The only thing that turns them on is money. A good chunk of the time, “entrepreneur” is really short for “I’m not specifically good at anything.”

The ones who actually make it are the worst kind because then they have this theory that they are god’s gift to earth who have minimal skills, but somehow woke up in a new Bugatti.  The only thing these men want to wife up is their company and, when that doesn’t work out, they’ll probably settle for their own hand and call it a day.


Mama’s Boy

movies_best_worst_mums_gallery_20

There is a fine line between a cute mama’s boy and a pathetic one. Calling your mother often and taking her out on Mother’s Day is cute, but if this guy doesn’t have his sh*t together, it might be because he needs to step away from the mom. The main problem with these guys is that the first thing they are looking for in a girlfriend is a second mom. I don’t know about you, but that just isn’t my style. I’m not trying to do someone’s laundry and clip his toenails – this is 2013, women have better sh*t to do.  Make yourself a sandwich and while you’re at it – make me one, too!


Metrosexual

Christiano Ronaldo

These guys are misunderstood in the sense that it’s hard to tell if they’re gay or not. If you get a manicure and enjoy a chick flick from time to time, I guess we won’t question it. But if you take longer to do your hair than women do, you probably should re-evaluate yourself.

Honestly, unless you grow your hair to a female length, which is a problem in itself, the gel you use to f*ck with your hair for a half hour is literally making no difference whatsoever. One of the best parts of being a man is that you always look the same and you’re not supposed to give a sh*t. Cherish it — trust me, it’s not fun on the other side.


20-year-old in an older man’s body

tumblr_mlbmq5fTiL1rig605o1_1280

This man comes in many different forms: he may be a mama’s boy, ex-college athlete, ex-frat star, club promoter and short dude all wrapped up in one. Only a few things are consistent with these guys: they’re creepy as f*ck and have trouble accepting the fact that they hit their peaks a while ago.

You can find this guy rolling his face off in the middle of the crowd at a house music show about 10 years too late, creeping on you at the club and then acting like he’s mind blown when you say you’re in your early 20s (f*cking duh, he’s the only one in the entire place who isn’t), or at the gym pretending he isn’t only ripped because he takes steroids. Another word for this guy is pedophile. Hide ya kids.

Photo Credit: WENN/ Tumblr

Share Tweet
React
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Jessica Eggert

Jessica is currently a journalism student at the University of Maryland, College Park. While she may be the youngest on the team, she’s ambitious and knows who she is, and that shows in her writing. She’s never been one to sugarcoat and that is why she is belongs on the Elite team.

More In Life

Life Dan Scotti

Men Are Basic B*tches Too: 10 Dead Giveaways That You’re A Basic Bro

Over the past few months, dubbing some young lady a “basic bitch” became the “It-Girl” of unoriginal disses. Although there’s no regimented protocol for what exactly constitutes “being basic,” I think I’ve grasped the concept, somewhat, over time. As a rule of thumb, basic things suck. A serving or two of vegetables with dinner is […]

Life Lauren Martin

12 Times Having An Old Soul Makes Your Life Miserable In 2014

Do you yearn for another time? Do you imagine a life full of simple pleasures? Do you crave an existence of limited technology and drive-in theaters? Does your soul light up when it treads across cobblestone streets? Do your fingers long for the touch of sealed envelopes and brimmed hats? Do you envision typewriters and […]

Also On Elite

Gentlemen

The ‘Hot Girl Effect’ And How It Can Change A Guy’s Life

One of the major differences between women and men is a phenomenon called the “hot girl effect.” This occurs when a man becomes much more attractive in the eyes of a given woman because he is with a hot girl (I’m talking far more attractive than he is). This example, in its most extreme form, is […]

News

The Second Richest Man In The World Says We Should Have A 3-Day Work Week

The second-richest man in the world has proposed a very interesting solution to our occupational and financial woes. According to Time, Mexican telecommunications tycoon Carlos Slim said at a business conference in Paraguay that we should work just three days a week but for longer hours and retire at the age of 70 or 75. […]

Motivation

Two Sides of F.E.A.R.: Forget Everything And Run Or Face Everything And Rise

We are animals – nothing more. Like all animals, we evolved over the years, adapting to our surroundings and circumstances. We developed skills and physical traits that would allow us to survive, to guarantee longevity for our species. I understand that you believe yourself to be special – just about every human being does. And […]

World

Disgusting: Twitter Users Imitate Photo Of 16-Year-Old Rape Victim To Mock Her

A 16-year-old from Texas not only experienced a traumatic sexual assault involving the ever-so-rampant scenario of parties and alcohol, but was forced to relive it when vulnerable photos of her after her assault circulated the Internet with a hashtag that I’m not even going to tell you because I don’t want you to go searching for the […]

Sex

Why The Hardest (And Most Important) Lessons Are Learned In Heartbreak

Heartbreak is a universal language. It does not discriminate against race, color or creed. Heartbreak will not place value on one’s socioeconomic status and it will never tip its hat at sexual preference nor shy away from age. Heartbreak will touch every single person on this planet at least once in his or her life. […]