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This Astrology Twitter Is Sharing The Signs' Reaction To The Eclipse And It's So Perfect

If you don't follow the Astropoets on Twitter, you are seriously missing out on some good quality zodiac humor. In 140 characters or less, these real life poets have learned astrology so thoroughly, they know how to nail every single zodiac sign in a hilariously simple way. If you know comedy, you know that jokes are about word economy. The Astropoets seem to understand that too. The account has set their sights today on tweeting every zodiac sign's reaction to the eclipse, and it's perfect.

Happy eclipse day, everyone. Enjoy! Here's how each zodiac sign either eye rolled or basked in the glory of the eclipse.

Aries

This is altogether the closest we will get to a scientific breakdown of an Aries' behavior during eclipse time. It's also the closest we will get to a scientific breakdown of an Aries' behavior during regular times.

Taurus

Taurus reading this: What do you mean “SUBsisting?” A person can thrive for months on potato chips, and there's nothing wrong with that, and whoever says there is can take a walk! Also, vodka doesn't pair well with potato chips. Potato chips pair better with a PBR, you class-less imbeciles!

Gemini

Trump and Pence are both Gemini's, and the image of the two of them doing this made me laugh, like, too hard.

Cancer

Cancer would be the most whacked out by a solar eclipse… their ruling planet is the moon, so it makes sense that they would get a little power hungry when their ruling planet suddenly blots out the sun and turns the skies dark. Anything is possible; this doesn't even feel like a joke.

Leo

Wait, so are they implying that the solar eclipse isn't a sign that they are the smartest and most beautiful? Also, why stop at just smartest and most beautiful? They're also the most worthy of respect and praise, and certainly worth more than 140 characters. Right, Leo?

Virgo

Virgos, you poor little worry-warts. If you're not busy reading up on solar eclipse conspiracy theories and prepping for doomsday, you are certainly thinking about all the mistakes you've made in life and making brownies. You'll probably be so busy thinking about how you could've made those brownies better that you'll barely enjoy them.

Libra

YES. THIS. Also, spending way too much time worrying about which solar eclipse party they should go to, and waiting to make a decision about it for so long that they miss the actual viewing of the eclipse.

Scorpio

…Would not surprise me if this was scientifically accurate.

Sagittarius

I would pay money to watch an all-sagittarius orgy, TBH, and if you wouldn't do the same, you are seriously missing out on some Olympian-level f*cking.

Capricorn

Absolutely, not only would they offer a pop quiz, they would also offer all the answers to said pop quiz, and then invite their friends on the back of said horse and give a full tour through the solar system if they could.

Aquarius

This is probably what my boyfriend is doing at this exact moment. I should probably go check on the cat. Aquarians are lunatic aliens from another planet.

Pisces

As a Pisces myself and therefore an actual expert on these things, I will say that all day long, I have been feeling genuinely optimistic and I think this is my year. Maybe it's the eclipse, maybe it's the egg burrito I'm currently enjoying, but good things are coming. I don't know about burying my face in someone close by. This is NYC, and people are gross.

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Rosebud Baker

Editor

Rosebud Baker is a standup comic and writer in NYC. Follow her on Twitter, where she desperately seeks the approval of strangers, but will settle for just attention.
Rosebud Baker is a standup comic and writer in NYC. Follow her on Twitter, where she desperately seeks the approval of strangers, but will settle for just attention.

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