The 10 Signs You Have Absolutely No Place Being At The Bar
As a frequent paying customer at the bar, I have some complaints for the people that seem to do everything they can to make sure that, if they aren't having a good time, no one is.
I must admit: I may be guilty of one or two of these things, but who isn’t? My problem is with the people that make this a habit of consistently ruining what could have been an epic night for everyone else. Here are ten signs you don't belong at the bar:
1. You start a fight
If you’re the kind of person that gets violent when drunk, I suggest you don’t bother showing up at the bar at all. If you’re going to antagonize someone until they want to fight you, you’re just ruining someone else’s time for no reason. It’s also a buzz kill for the people in the vicinity because it brings a lot of negative energy to the area.
2. You throw up
Hey, go hard or go home, right? No. Don’t go so hard that you should actually be sent home. Know your limits and make sure you can handle your liquor before trying to hang with the heavyweights. Just because you drink a lot doesn’t make you cool; it makes you a nuisance to the people that are going to end up taking care of you.
It’s also disgusting for the other patrons of the bar to have to bear witness, as you taste your last meal for the second time.
3. You use the bathroom for a long period of time to have a “private” conversation
Ladies, I’m looking at you. You’re the reason our line is always so long. Trust me when I say that if you have that conversation somewhere other than the bathroom, nobody is going to care enough about what you have to say to eavesdrop.
4. You stand and have a conversation where there is the most foot traffic
People are constantly trying to walk around the bar. If I see someone across the room from me that I want to talk to, I just want to get from point A to point B.
I’m also a fast walker and impatient, so if you are standing directly in my way, we are going to have a problem. Please take your conversation to the side, preferably by a dark corner where I won’t have to interact with you again.
5. You go on the dance floor and just stand there
If you are brought out to the dance floor, you better damn well move your feet. It’s really creepy to see a person standing there, watching as everyone else dances. Have stage fright? Meet my friend Jose Cuervo. He’ll teach you a few moves.
6. You’re completely sober and acting annoyed
You don’t have to be drunk to have a good time. BUT, if you’re going to act all high and mighty about sticking to sobriety, do not go to the bar.
Everyone there just wants to have a good time and seeing a sour look on your face will put a damper on the mood. If you willingly go out sober, you probably know what you’re getting yourself into anyway, so there is no reason to act shocked at people’s behavior.
7. You’re rude to the bartender
When a bar is packed, everyone wants a refill, and there’s only four bartenders working, cut them some slack. They have to deal with enough drunk assh*les from 10PM to 2AM; they don’t need your tomfoolery, as well. You may not think they deserve a tip from you, either, but if you throw them a few bucks, they’re more likely to come back to you faster.
8. You don’t mingle
I love my friends, but what fun is it to go out and see a room full of people you may or may not know and just stick to the crowd you’re most comfortable with? The least you could do is grab a wingman, or woman, and make some new memories with new people.
9. You don’t finish your drink
You paid for that alcohol, didn’t you? Or someone was nice enough to buy it? Drink up. I also hate when people leave their half-finished drinks on a table, and someone knocks it over so that it spills everywhere. That’s disgusting and inconvenient. Just hold onto your drink; it’s not that hard.
10. You get kicked out
Before I go off on how this is a sure sign you were an assh*le last night, I have to say, there is an exception to this rule. You know that guy I mentioned earlier that starts fights?
Well, you may get kicked out for being involved in that fight, even if it was to break it up. So thumbs up for being honorable! Sorry, you tried to do the right thing and got screwed for it! Anyway, if you get kicked out for probably any other reason, in the simplest possible terms, you suck.
There’s no reason that any night should end badly for everyone just because you or one of your friends is lame and inconsiderate. Relax and enjoy the night out. You’ll need it after that stressful week.
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