The 10 Things You Should Never Think About When You’re High

The 10 Things You Should Never Think About When You’re High
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Weed, Mary Jane, ganja, herb: It doesn’t matter what you call it, its effects are always the same. It’s a new way of experiencing and looking at life, opening your mind to new angles and dimensions. It’s the fuel of the artist and one of the few things in this world that is capable of bringing peace. However, there is such a thing as a bad trip.

Anyone who has smoked for awhile, has had a bad trip at least once in his or her lifetimes. Whether you were stoned at your family dinner, baked behind the principal’s car, or just bugging out in the basement with your friends — it’s not an experience you’d ever like to repeat.

As you get older and more experienced, you learn tricks that make your high better and just generally more conducive to your situation: from the best munchies to the best spots to light up. There’s also a list of the places you should and shouldn’t let your mind wander when under the influence. So in case you’re still figuring it out, we’ve compiled a list to keep you from clawing your brains out:

Your Parents

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Stop worrying about being a disappointment because you’re not. You smoked a little pot and now you’re chilling. You aren’t a failure, your parents aren’t going to know, so don’t ruin the high with stressing about the ‘rents.

How Much You Just Ate

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It’s not worth fretting over the tub of cookie dough or Ben and Jerry’s you just downed. Enjoy your munchies and worry about the calories tomorrow.


The Meaning Of Life

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It’s a black hole that will do nothing but leave you miserable and alone. Do not go down it! You will be tempted but it can only lead to a serious religious change or suicidal thoughts.

The Police Officer Down The Street

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There is no point making yourself paranoid because you think your neighbor, who’s an off-duty cop, might think you’re high because you’re baking cookies. Chill out.


Health Problems

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You’re not having a stroke, your heart rate is fine, there’s no reason to go to the hospital. Weed is calming, it’s not an upper, and no one has ever died from a weed overdose.


Stupid Things You Said Earlier

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Whatever you said about your friend’s pubic hair or the comment you made about Indians while at the 7-11 is in the past — there is nothing you can do now and it’s probably not as bad as you think.


What To Text Anyone

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Just put the phone away, it’s only going to give you anxiety. No one wants to talk to you right now and you wouldn’t make any sense if you tried.


Student Loans

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Why would you even think about money at a time like this? Don’t think about how much money you just spent on an eighth or how much you spend a month on bud. You already spent it, so you may as well enjoy it.


Work

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You’re not at work right now, so why are you wasting your energy and time off thinking about it? It will only get you nervous, paranoid and will ruin your entire day.


What You Look Like

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Do not look in the mirror. Enough said.

Top Photo Courtesy of Tumblr

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Lauren Martin

Lauren “LMoney” Martin grew up with one goal: to be the first woman engineer. Upon finding out there already were women engineers, and unable to pass Calc 1, she chose to study the beautiful and honorable art of advertising. After advertising proved uninspiring, she attempted a career in acting which was over before she could get on stage. And when she failed at everything else she decided to become a comedy writer.

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