12 Lies We Rationalize After Being Hot Messes On The Weekend
Every Monday, you probably spend your morning commute reminiscing about the weekend you just had. More often than not, you can't help but simultaneously cringe and laugh.
For most 20-somethings, if you work hard, you probably play way harder, so an event-filled weekend is nothing out of the ordinary.
My Monday mornings at the office consist of me telling everyone my weekend chronicles, and them responding with, “I wish I was 22 again.”
From grabbing an Uber home at 6 am and making to the office by 8:30 to accidentally sending your boss the selfie you intended for your bae, we all have convinced ourselves that all of our terrible decisions we made over the weekend are perfectly okay.
And, this is how we do it:
1. It's Monday (AKA, My Fresh Start)
It's Monday: You woke up puffy-eyed and confused, but you're actually thankful that you know where you are.
While you get ready, you put on as much makeup or cologne as possible to convince not only yourself, but also your coworkers, you are actually sane. Then, you tell yourself, “Whatever happened this weekend is in the past. It's Monday now; time to be productive.”
2. I'm Young, So I'm Supposed To Be Doing This
Right? I mean, as overused as the saying is, YOLO is so relevant when trying to convince yourself that calling your mom at 2:34 am for a life lesson was a wise decision.
When you're in your golden years (as I hear them called all the time), going out and having fun is supposed to happen. Live ya life!
3. It Was A Rough Week At The Office — Debauchery Was Necessary
Blame the office for the excessive drinking episodes you had this weekend. There's nothing better than getting off at 5 pm on Friday and getting to your favorite bar by 5:15 pm.
By the time your friends get to you, you've already told your favorite bartender how much work your supervisor made you do all week. By 6:30 pm, you all are singing karaoke with the bartender, and it's not even a karaoke bar.
4. I Don't Even Want To See My Bank Account
My checking account is probably not on fleek… Whatever, I'll just save some money from my next check and I will NOT go out!
5. I Need Stories For My Future Children
I mean, I honestly don't want to be a boring mother, so I do this for my kids.
6. I Hope I Didn't get Banned From Uber
Because I'm sure playing “IDFWU” at a loud volume and while your whole crew rapped along didn't piss off the Uber driver.
I also hope my Uber usage didn't get revoked because I angrily demanded the aux cord and the Uber driver handed it over in fear…
7. I Wasn't As Bad As My Friends
Because even though you were probably worse, it's easier to look at the stupid stuff they did right beside you and convince yourself they were so much worse.
8. And, I Hope My Friends Are Okay
I know everyone had work this morning — I hope they made it. I mean, if I did, I'm sure they did, seeing as they're just as responsible as I am.
9. At Least I Didn't Drunk Dial Bae
Or, did I? Damn it.
10. What's Life Without A Little Fun?
Honestly, if this weekend didn't happen, I probably would have gone crazy. If I didn't go out, I definitely wouldn't be so productive during the week!
11. I'll Just Stay Home This Weekend
I mean I'm still having heart palpations from Friday — not to mention, I didn't stop drinking until Sunday after brunch —, so this weekend, I'll stay in with Netflix and do assignments… hopefully. If my friends call, I'll just tell them I'm busy.
12. I Wonder What's Going On This Weekend…
Because I heard my best friend's cousin's, cute friend will be here and, you know what? No! You will not go out this weekend. Sit down somewhere, Sierra.
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