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13 Halloween Costumes Your Coworkers Will Be Fired For In 2014

It happens every year. Each Halloween, someone’s quirky sense of humor finds its way into his or her costume, and the “clever idea” offends literally everyone.

Remember the lady who had her sons dress as George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin, or the woman who went as a Boston Marathon bombing victim?

These folks risk igniting the ire of an Internet mob, and something tells me 2014 will be no different.

However, in the interest of possibly avoiding it, and not looking like a total assh*le this year, here are 13 Halloween costumes that will definitely get you, or your coworker, fired.

Feel free to share it with any of your friends whose sense of humor might fall into the inappropriate category:

1. Ray and Janay Rice

Someone at your office might think it’d be funny to go to your company Halloween party in a Ray Rice jersey and his best girlfriend sporting a black eye.

If they do, their sense of humor will be considered twisted at best and offensive at worst (offensive lineman worst).


2. Blue Ivy Carter

Honoring the great Queen B by dressing as her princess child is a noble endeavor, indeed, until you add the afro.

Just like the BET producers who joked around about it, your coworker will lose his job. Natural black hair is no laughing matter. Seriously, I’m scared for my life just writing this.


3. Stolen celebrity nude selfie

No, your coworker won’t be getting points for the high-quality paper stock he used to print the celebrity nudes from The Fappening and The Fappening II. He will only be seen as an insensitive perv.

If your coworker wants to keep his job, he should leave those printouts at FedEx Kinkos.


4. Ferguson protestor and police officer

Honoring the Ferguson protestors might seem like a worthy cause, but will your coworker really be able to hold his hands in the air all night? No, he won’t.

As for dressing as a Ferguson police officer in full riot gear, this will only incite a heated fight about police brutality amongst your coworkers. The amusing irony of the real police being called to break it up will wear off quickly after someone gets fired.


5. The booty of Nicki Minaj, Iggy Azalea or JLo

We were all riding the big booty wave this year, but what no one is admitting is how uncomfortable all those exposed butts drenched in oil make everyone.

Sure, some people call it feminism, and your coworker might, too, but everyone else will call it grounds for dismissal.


6. Climate change polar bear

If you haven’t noticed, people take climate change very seriously, on both sides of the melting iceberg.

If your coworker goes as a dying polar bear, the people who don’t believe in climate change will ridicule her. If she goes as a healthy polar bear, the people who do believe in climate change will vilify her. If she goes as a sexy polar bear, well, everyone’s just going to be mad she isn’t taking it seriously.

Your coworker will ultimately pay the price for not avoiding this hot topic.


7. Malaysian Airlines flight attendant

Putting a timely spin on the sexy flight attendant costume might seem like a good idea, but there’s nothing sexy about your coworker drenching herself in water, putting live goldfish in her pockets and wearing snorkel gear.

The first question she gets will be, “What’s your costume supposed to be?” and the second, “When’s your last day?”


8. Anything in black face

You’d think by now people wouldn’t need to be reminded of this. Yet, every year, they still do.


9. British rapper terrorist

This seems like a no-brainer, but somehow, people are already doing it. Sure, it might be interesting to somehow pair an Ali G-style outfit with a hijab, but only in an unemployed way.


10. Ebola victim

Folks using life-like makeup to appear infected with the deadly Ebola virus will most likely be immediately quarantined, but not before causing mass hysteria stretching from the office parking lot to the cheese and cracker table.


11. Woman with three breasts

Although since proven to be fake, extending the three-breasted hoax into Halloween with a life-like prosthesis will only get your coworker awkward stares from your female colleagues, male colleagues, your boss, your CEO and the janitor.

No one wants to have to stare at that at a party.


12. Bed bug-infested mattress

Tell your coworker to take a mattress, cut a hole in it large enough for his body, infest it with live bed bugs, and then wear it to your company Halloween party. Except, don’t.

He may survive the bites, and get a few compliments on the authenticity and dedication of his costume, but he’ll also be receiving a large fumigation bill during his exit interview.


13. Urban Outfitters Merchandise Designer

Your coworker might think it’d be funny to go to your office halloween party in that now-infamous Kent State sweatshirt, carrying a vintage Underground Railroad tote, filled with hysterical fashion prototypes, such as the Nazi shower cap, but that’s not funny at all.

Your coworker will offend everyone.

Any other costumes to avoid? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.

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Sarah Cooper

Contributor

Sarah Cooper is a writer and comedian in NYC. You can find more of her work on her Facebook page and on her YouTube channel. She is also the creator of satirical websites, TheCooperReview.com and Oolalove.com.
Sarah Cooper is a writer and comedian in NYC. You can find more of her work on her Facebook page and on her YouTube channel. She is also the creator of satirical websites, TheCooperReview.com and Oolalove.com.

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