#SniffTest: 16 Signs You Wish Your Mom Still Did Your Laundry
Doing laundry is literally a first world pain. It’s the most oxymoronic, time-consuming activity because there is actually nothing you can do to speed up the process.
You just have to sit there while the washing cycle finishes so you can then transfer your wet clothes into the dryer.
If you don’t have the luxury of having a unit inside your home, which, let’s be honest, few people do, this process is just an utter pain in the ass.
And, honestly, even if you have one in your apartment, it’s still a pain in the ass.
So, at what point to you figuratively and literally throw in the towel? For me, it was when I first washed an $80 shirt that turned into a bib. It’s been a dishrag ever since.
What are the signs you should just give up and send out your laundry? Well…
1. You contemplate buying new clothes instead of washing them.
Your laziness has really reached new levels when you’re considering just buying new clothes. We’ve all had this internal debate, but it takes a special sort of person to act on it.
2. You didn’t understand why people separated darks and whites until it was too late.
As long as you choose the “color” option, shouldn’t you be safe? Ha! That’s what you think — until all your whites turn a murky grey, never to be worn again.
3. Your monthly budget includes sending out your laundry.
Is spending $20 on a monthly basis really that much of an expense? When you take into consideration the time and effort doing your laundry involves, wouldn’t it just make sense to send it out? No? Well, pipe down. I wasn’t asking you.
4. You don’t even bother matching your socks, you just throw them in your drawer.
It’s like a game you can play with yourself come the morning! I mean, what’s the point of even pairing them up if you have to separate them to put them on?
The time you spend each morning looking for the other is the same as the time you’ll spend pairing them up when they come out of the laundry. Honestly, who even wears matching socks anymore? Not this girl!
5. You just can’t fold — even if your life depended on it.
Instead, you end up shoving your items onto shelves and into draws. As long as your mess is somewhat organized, you’ll definitely be able to find whatever it is that you are looking for — at least that’s what you keep telling yourself.
6. The only thing you’ll even consider sharing your bed with is your clean laundry.
Half your bed is reserved for you while the other half remains clear for your laundry. Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow? Or, at least, until the pile grows increasingly large and concerning.
7. The washer/dryer is located in the basement of your apartment building — a place you would never enter.
It doesn’t matter how nice of a building you live in, the basement is never a place you want to trek to, let alone hang out in, while your laundry cycles.
8. Whenever you transfer clothes from the washer to the dryer, you drop at least four different items on the floor.
Does this mean you have to put your clothes back in the washing machine? Motherf*cker.
9. You see no problem with taking other people’s things out of the machines when their cycle is done.
You need to respect the cycle and take your sh*t out when it’s done or you’ll have no one to blame but yourself when you find it discarded on a table. Your phone has a timer, so why not take advantage of it?
10. Your underwear has a lifespan of approximately seven cycles.
No matter what, your underwear never remains in pristine condition. You may use fabric softener and wash on “gentle,” but your underwear never looks as good as when you initially bought it.
11. You can’t figure a way to coordinate your life and your laundry schedule.
“I can go home and throw in a load then hit the gym then come back and put it in the dryer, right?” Um, no, you can’t because it takes you half the cycle to even make it to the gym — so that plan won’t work. Because when you’re late, number 9 happens.
12. You find yourself asking: “How do towels even get dirty if the only time you use them is when you’re clean?”
Isn’t that such a mindf*ck?
13. Also this question: Is your laundry ever really clean if you aren’t doing it naked?
Bet you’ve never thought about that one, have you?
14. You don’t understand why you have to wash your sheets if you’re the only one sleeping in your bed.
Your germs are your germs and will always be your germs!
15. When you do eventually wash your sheets, you sleep on top of your blankets to avoid getting them dirty
Getting a fitted sheet on your bed by yourself is a task that should probably be in the Olympics. Once you actually manage to get that thing on right, there is no way you want to ever do that again — at least, any time soon.
16. WTF is a dryer sheet?
Oh, I know! Those are those things college students put on the ends of paper towel rolls so they could smoke in their dorm rooms without getting caught. Knew it.
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