Oh, February 14, the dreaded day single females wish they could avoid. Thanks to technology, however, we don’t need boyfriends. No, I’m not talking about the battery-operated device you keep in your nightstand. I’m talking about Netflix!
With Netflix, we have entertainment at the tips of our fingers. We can cuddle up with our computers or iPads while stuffing our faces with endless snacks. There’s no reason to hate Valentine’s Day as a single girl any longer, thanks to Netflix. It gives us a great excuse to hibernate, away from all the festivities of the night.
Grab your blanket and your bottle of Pinot. This is about to be a wild night.
1. It will stay up with you all night
You don’t have to worry about Netflix getting tired on you and passing out early. There are a million shows to choose from, keeping you up at all hours!
2. It doesn’t take up any room in your bed
Even if you’re watching Netflix on a tablet or laptop, it’s guaranteed to take up less room in your bed than another person would! #Winning
3. It always knows what you want
Netflix can actually read your mind!!! Isn’t that what everyone wishes for in relationships? Well, look no further and let the recommendations roll in.
4. It’ll make you cry and/or laugh
Whatever emotion you feel like expressing in that instance is a reality! You want to laugh? Head to the comedy section. You want to cry? Drama, it is!
5. It doesn’t cost anything extra
You’re already paying for your subscription! This is the best way to save money on Valentine’s Day!
6. It encourages your indulgent behaviors
Whether you’re drinking, smoking or eating, Netflix doesn’t give a sh*t. In fact, it wants you to do all three of those things simultaneously.
7. It doesn’t care what you’re wearing
It basically encourages laziness and wants to see you in your sweatpants and baggy clothes.
8. You want to share it with your friends
You can share your account information with anyone and everyone, if that’s what you want to do! With Netflix, cheating doesn’t exist.
9. It doesn’t expect any sexual favors
No shaving and no showering. WTF could be better than that?
10. There’s no screaming, only streaming
No arguments! No one to talk back to you. You can be a total assh*le and no one can call you out for it. This is amazing!
11. It will tell you all of the sappy romantic stuff you want
If you are craving a little lovey-dovey nonsense, Netflix is well prepared for that, too!
12. Guys finish while Netflix never will
Men may last for 20 minutes, but Netflix lasts forever!
13. You can go to bed with Hugh Jackman, Ryan Gosling or anyone else you desire
The possibilities are endless!
14. It caters to your needs and doesn’t expect anything in return
A one-sided street where we get to receive and not have to reciprocate? This is incredible.
15. It will be there for you in the morning
Unlike an unreliable man who can slip out at 4 am, Netflix will be there, ready and willing, come sunrise!
16. To turn it on, all you have to do is press a button
Um, this is so f*cking easy…
17. Netflix doesn’t talk; it only listens
And it keeps its feelings to itself? Why do people even get into relationships with options like this?
18. If you don’t like the ending, you can change it
It won’t be offended if you don’t like the way things are going. In fact, it basically encourages you to switch it up. Try that with a man and all hell will break loose.
19. It won’t judge you for being an emotional trainwreck
Let the tears keep on flowing. This is a judgment-free zone.
20. It will never call you at 8 pm and lie to you, telling you it’s home with a fever, when it’s really going out with your best friend, Amanda, who you’ve known since elementary school, and then awkwardly run into you the next morning at brunch with her!
F*ck you, Amanda. Eggs benedict was our thing!
Bonus: The new season of “House of Cards” begins tonight!
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