#HelpMeImPoor: 21 Signs You Have A Serious Shopping Problem (And Secretly Love It)
Good afternoon. My name is Ashley and I am a shopaholic. I am addicted in every form, whether it be in-person, online or even at the grocery store. The issue? I can’t afford sh*t. Does that stop me? No.
Being a shopaholic is a tough life: You are constantly bombarded with enticing items that you can’t, for the life of you, afford. The problem? You buy them anyway.
Our families try to teach us the importance of budgeting, but the only budgeting we do is comparing how much our rent is with our bank accounts to see how much we’ll have left over to buy clothes.
You know it’s a good day when every item you ordered from @NastyGal is a keeper.
— A$AP Fern (@disco_infern0) March 26, 2014
Shopping is a form of therapy, and honestly, if you’re going to shell out $300 for a therapist, isn’t it more beneficial to spend $300 on various items of clothing? Isn’t the result the same? Hmm, that’s not right, is it?
How do you know you should be shipped off to shopping rehab? Well, here are the signs…
1. You sacrifice meals to buy clothing
Why eat breakfast when you need a new leather jacket? Exactly. Also, if you sacrifice a meal for clothes, won’t you look better in the clothes, anyway? Seems like a win-win situation to me. (JK, shout out to healthy eating.)
2. You are a member of Gilt, Rue La La and ideeli but you never actually buy anything from them
Shopping on these websites is basically the equivalent of window shopping, since you know you’re never going to actually buy anything.
When you make your purchases for full retail price elsewhere, you can at least tell yourself you looked for a bargain.
3. You play credit card roulette with yourself
You think by splitting your purchases across a variety of cards, you are spending less money. In reality, all you are doing is paying more bills and spending the exact same amount of money.
4. Your family asks, “Are you budgeting?” on a constant basis
Your family is well aware of your shopping problem, and as a result, feels the need to constantly check up on you.
They know you’d sacrifice weekly groceries for a new pair of jeans so their concerns are more than valid. They try to compromise with you with the “spend half, save half” mentality regarding your paychecks.
5. You think Seamless is the best form of online shopping there is
This is the only form of delivery that appears at your door within an hour of placing the order. If only Nasty Gal could do the same, our lives would be that much better.
6. You have no qualms about paying $15.95 for next-day shipping for a weekend outfit
If you know you have absolutely nothing to wear for the upcoming weekend, you’ll be sacrificing $15 to get new items delivered to your doorstep ASAP.
You don’t care that you could use that money for dinner; you need a new shirt and you need it now.
7. When you are sad there is nothing a new outfit or pair of shoes can’t cure
They don’t call it retail therapy for nothing! Shopping may make you feel better temporarily, but hey, it’s better than nothing, right? Money may not be able to buy happiness, but I’d rather cry while wearing a pair of Christian Louboutins.
8. Shopping is your favorite form of cardio
Whoever said shopping isn’t exercise has never entered a mall or fitting room. Walking the entire span of a mall is like five miles, right? Maybe it’s more like two, but I’ll keep telling myself it’s five.
Also, doesn’t trying on a ton of outfits count as some form of cardio? That sh*t is tiring, especially under those burning hot lights.
9. You either check your bank account daily or are too scared to ever check it
There are people who meticulously check their bank accounts when indulging in shopping sprees, and then there are those who spend blindly, hoping and praying they don’t overdraft. Either way, you’re a shopaholic by anyone’s standards.
10. You most likely have an addictive personality
You’re addicted to retail; you can’t drag yourself away from a good sale or a good department store.
Your family is concerned your addictive traits will cross over into other aspects of your life and fear for your sanity (more like they fear they are going to have to bail you out of credit card debt).
11. Online shopping gives you another reason to live for three to five business days
When you are feeling down in the dumps, online shopping can easily provide you with a reason to keep living.
You may think the week will never end, but when you have something to look forward to (like packages delivered to your apartment), it really makes the week go faster. Don’t believe me? Try it.
12. No matter how much you shop, you never have anything to wear
It doesn’t matter if your clothing items still have price tags hanging from them, you still have nothing to wear out on that date.
You rummage through your entire closet, cursing every purchase you have ever made while you question your sanity and decision-making. Whatever, throw on your go-to outfit because you know you’re going shopping the following day.
13. You aren’t aware of a credit card limit until it is too late
What do you mean my credit card has been rejected? I paid the bill last… oh wait… I have to pay the bill? Got it…
14. You rationalize purchases by telling yourself that you deserve it
Made it through two days of dieting? I earned that new sweater. Had a good day at work? New jeans for me. Actually afforded my rent this month? New shoes all around.
15. Instead of getting your clothing dry cleaned you just buy new clothes
Dry cleaning is expensive! Sometimes it can cost upwards of $20 to $30 and at that point, doesn’t it just make sense to buy another shirt? Accept that shirt as a loss and replace it with a better one.
16. Your underwear costs more than a meal at Keen’s Steakhouse
Splurging on lingerie is totally acceptable because you need underwear. You have different lingerie for different occasions: date underwear, period underwear, gym underwear… The list goes on and on. Also, you want it to survive the washing cycle so you better make sure it’s good quality.
17. It physically and emotionally pains you to repeat an outfit
Before you even think of repeating an outfit, you have to think to yourself: Where was I the last time I wore it? Who was there and were any photos taken? Is this the rule of feminism Gretchen Wieners was talking about?
18. About 90 percent of the emails you receive are from a store
You usually fall behind checking your email because the majority of your inbox is filled with spam.
Too bad it’s not a feasible excuse to tell your boss you missed that important meeting email because you never actually check your inbox because of shopping advertisements.
19. When you find an item you love, you order it in multiple colors regardless of the fact that you haven’t even tried it on for size yet
You just know you’re going to love this shirt or pair of shorts, so you get ahead of yourself and buy it in multiple colors. This is a huge risk, as the odds of it working out in your favor are 50/50.
20. You justify buying sale items because they’re on sale even though it still costs over $100
Just because it’s a good deal does not mean you should buy it! But let’s be honest, when has that ever stopped you?
21. You prefer to shop online to avoid dealing with annoying sales people
You know exactly what you want and don’t need to be bothered by anyone’s fake assistance. A simple Google search is really all the help you need nowadays anyway.
Top Photo Courtesy: Fanpop
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