21 Signs You’ve Officially Become A Professional Last-Minute Crammer
Cramming is an extremely controversial study habit in today’s society. To brown-nosers and the academically conscious, it’s often frowned upon. You’ve got all semester to study, why wait until the day before the test?
Well, the way I see it, studying is hell — and by waiting till the last day possible to do all your studying, it’s only hell for a day (as opposed to an entire semester of recurring hell).
We’re human beings, evolutionarily programmed to put off sh*t we don’t like at the very last minute. I guess it’s just that if we know it’s going to rain, it may as well pour. You know what I’m saying?
Still, there’s no one reason we willingly choose to cram, especially in academic situations. It’s a like a combination of hangovers, laziness and the fact that it’s too damned cold in the winter to walk across campus to the library. Either way, you cram, and you really don’t mind.
Here are the 21 signs you’re a full-fledged crammer.
21. You're a procrastinator.
AKA: I’m destined for greatness.
20. Which means you would never think to start studying more than 24 hours before an exam…
How many weeks have I been studying? Wait, that’s gotta be a joke. You meant hours, right? Right?
19. …And you call it “studying,” but it's honestly the first time you're learning it.
I’m basically the teacher, too.
18. Because you don't go to class…
Dude, I swear my snooze button is f*cking broken. This always happens. I really need to get that looked at.
17. …Or you're on Facebook during class.
Oh. Em. Gee. Last night’s pics went up.
16. …Or Elite Daily.
At least that’s productive.
15. You only go to the library a few times each semester.
Does “less is more” not apply on this campus?
14. And it's always the night before a test…
13. …And it's always an all-nighter.
I mean, the test is tomorrow? I don’t see Santa Claus sleeping on Christmas Eve.
12. You've emailed a TA past midnight…
I know you are unaware of my presence in this class, and I know the test is in eight hours, but you’ve gotta f*ckin’ help me.
11. …And your emails have all had slightly flirtatious undertones.
Well, I know a bar off campus that’s open 24/7, and it’s usually pretty quiet – maybe we can look over some stuff there?
10. You understand how critically important it is to take breaks while studying…
It’s all about strategically-timed breaks.
9. …Which is why most of your time studying is spent taking breaks.
Yo, it’s been like eight minutes. Wanna take a walk with me? My head is about to explode.
8. You always have multiple packs of gum on you because you heard somewhere that gum provides academic benefits.
7. You drink coffee until you get that nauseating acidic feeling in the back of your throat.
Too much lukewarm coffee from 5 pm until 2 am.
6. Because you'd never think about taking Adderall illicitly…
5. …Unless you have a guy, that is.
4. You highlight more of the textbook than you actually read.
It would be wasteful not to. I have five different highlighters to choose between.
3. You come up with ridiculous ways to memorize sh*t.
2. You have the utmost faith in last-minute cramming for exams.
TRUST IN THE SYSTEM.
1. …Except when you fail the exam.
In that case, write lengthy emails to the professor, explaining how his lectures didn’t prepare you adequately for the exam. It’s on him, not you.
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