#HelpMeI’mPoor: 29 Signs You Are One Broke B*tch In The City
Being a 20-something in this generation is hard. There’s a ton of issues we face on the reg and, honestly, they all come down to one main, underlying issue: WE ARE BROKE.
Our lives are one big #FirstWorldProblem, and we love complaining about it to anyone who will listen.
We don’t care if it’s our on-and-off-again hookup from down the street, the man making our coffee at the bodega or even the fitness instructor — we will talk the ear off anyone who will listen.
We don’t care if there are actually problems happening in the world because they are not in our immediate surroundings. Sorry, I said it, but you were most definitely thinking it.
So how do you know if you’re a broke bitch, like me and 99 percent of my friends? Well…
1. You’re too broke to buy lunch and too broke to food shop
This is the worst position you can ever find yourself in because all you can do is rummage through your work fridge, hoping someone has some leftovers that you can ask for.
2. You have to beg your family members for frequent flier miles whenever you want to travel anywhere
You know you don’t have your own miles because you aren’t allowed to have your own credit card; your checking account barely has enough in it to pay your rent.
If you think you are traveling anywhere, you know you are begging your relatives to help you out.
3. You can’t upgrade to premium channels on cable because your rent and utilities are too damn high
Honestly, you don’t even have a television in your room because you can’t afford the good channels. Thank God you can watch Netflix on your iPhone.
4. You can’t buy coffee so you must settle for the office Keurig
How much do I save if it’s not flavored? Nothing? What about without milk or sweetener? No, okay, I’ll just go F myself now.
5. You try and sell your clothing to a thrift shop and they deny you
But that shirt cost me $80! Oh, you’ll give me $3.25? Well, fine, I guess I can afford coffee now at least.
6. You steal Q-tips and tampons from your gym
A box of tampons costs upwards of $13. You know what you can do with 13 whole dollars? Food shop!
7. Just kidding, you can’t afford a gym membership who are you kidding
It’s okay though, being broke is the best thing ever to happen to your diet anyway.
8. You can’t spend $16 on a drink at the bars so you must pregame
Right, because that’s your excuse to pregame…
9. You steal office and bathroom supplies from work and tell your roommates you purchased them so they buy other things necessary for the apartment
You basically graduated from college with a degree in scheming and a minor in manipulation.
10. You also steal condiments and utensils from Chipotle (and any other establishment that offers free ketchup packets)
Hey, if they are just putting them out in the open like that, it would just be rude not to take them up on their ever-so-obvious offer.
11. By the time winter comes around, you can’t afford to buy a new adult winter puffer coat, so you’re stuck rocking your college North Face
It still smells like desperation, bad decisions and Natty Light.
12. You can’t afford to retouch your highlights, so now your hair is unintentionally ombre
Thank God that is in style right now, or we’d all be f*cked.
13. You cut manicures out of your budget months ago
Don’t believe it? Check your cuticles. Yup, you’re welcome.
14. Your budget doesn’t allow for you to celebrate multiple friends’ birthdays in one month
All you ladies better celebrate together or I’m not coming, sorry.
15. You realize you are too broke to go tanning and too broke to go on a trip to the beach
So you resort to spray tanning yourself with some weird mustard colored concoction you picked up at the dollar store.
16. The only motivation you have for going on a date is that you get a free meal out of it
At what point is it offensive not to give him any ROI?
17. You take trips to Costco on Sundays for the free samples because your fridge is barren
How else were you planning on spending your Sunday? It’s not like you can afford to do anything exciting anyway.
18. It’s just not worth spending the little money you do have on an annual check up
Oh well, who really needs a dentist? That’s what White Strips were created for.
19. You put your monthly waxes on the back burner and have to deal with razor burn
Or you can just become celibate.
20. You sit in the dark and humidity of your bedroom in the summer because you’re too broke to turn on the lights or AC
The struggle is all too real.
21. The worst day of your life is when your shampoo and conditioner run out at the same time
Hey, the hippie grunge look is in now, right??
22. Does your company actually expect you to join the 401K plan?
Are they on drugs? You need every dollar from your paycheck.
23. You stopped shopping at Sephora long ago, it’s Maybelline for life now
You know you’re really balling on a budget when you downgrade to drug store. It doesn’t matter how much other people claim to love it, if Sephora were an option, they would take it.
24. Even Maybelline is too expensive unless you get a 30 percent off coupon
Anything that costs over $5 is considered expensive in your eyes.
25. You only online shop if Retail Me Not has an available coupon
Free shipping and 25 percent off? Sign me up!
26. You find yourself getting the generic brand of everything
Your prescriptions, the red Solo cups that aren’t even Solo, the supermarket brand of food — if it exists, you’re buying it.
27. You still have an iPhone 4s when the iPhone 6 is coming out
…Which only encourages you to steal everyone’s old chargers because they clearly don’t need them anymore
28. You’ve actually looked into selling your eggs
But only decided not to because that would require you to give up weed and alcohol.
29. So you resorted to selling plasma
At least that doesn’t require extra hormones entering your body.
Photo Courtesy: Tumblr
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