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Astrology For Dummies: Why Your Horoscope Is Bullsh*t

I find it troubling that so many of my friends read their horoscope on a daily basis and actually believe this bullshit. I am not trying to be cynical, rather realistic. Horoscopes are just one huge self-fulfilling prophecy insecure people use to justify what is going on in their lives. Pathetic if you ask me.

My horoscope tells me I’m going to get laid on the 13th? I’m sorry but I don’t need the stars in the sky to tell me that one, I mean come on it is a Saturday night. If I want to get laid on the 13th, I’m going to throw back 5 tequila shots and let my clothes melt off. No thank you Pisces i’ll keep my love life in my own hands.

Believe in the stars? Stars are not magic; they are masses of reacting hydrogen thousands of miles away. You want to believe in something? Believe in science, facts and the cold hard truth, not some spiritual BS you need to make yourself feel better about your life choices.

Let’s take a gander at the wise word’s Yahoo daily forecast has in store for me today:

“You should have the benefit of remarkable energy; learn how to concentrate your efforts on a specified objective and pursue it through to the end. Be cooperative but not too easy-going with your family circle. Don’t let anyone meddle in your private life, and stand up strongly against unrepentant in.”

Um, what? Learn to concentrate my efforts on a specified objective and pursue it through the end? No shit. That is not a horoscope, that is pure common sense. Pretty sure that has been instilled in my head since the first time I was asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Don’t let anyone meddle in your private life, and stand up strongly against unrepentant in? Is that supposed to make sense? Wow, thank you, without your wise, incomplete predictions I would have allowed anyone and everyone to meddle in my private life.

Is this a joke? This is in reference to my PRIVATE life, the meaning is inherent in the word itself but really thank you oh so mighty Pisces god for reinstating what I’ve known since I was 5 years old.

Let’s take a look at my good friend Samantha’s horoscope for Leo, which could not be further from her personality:

“You can have fun doing even the most ridiculous busy-work today — it’s all in your positive attitude! Keep it up and you may find that those around you start to follow your lead.”

Well first off, busy work is not fun, I don’t care how positive your attitude is. Second, people follow her lead because she’s pushy and takes initiative not because her horoscope told her to plaster on a fake smile for the day.

These daily, weekly and monthly predictions touch on the most vague qualities that can be found within a person and make it so people can identify with even the most insignificant thing. Whether your horoscope is stating the blatantly obvious or is just dead wrong, the fact that people wake up and start their day believing this crap is absurd.

Your day isn’t better because it said it would be, it’s better because of YOUR own actions that YOU are responsible for. A new day means new people, new actions, new tasks and new experiences all creating the potential for something better to happen.

Ashley Fern | Elite.
Follow Ashley on Twitter: @disco_infern0

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Ashley Fern

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Ashley Fern is the second most veteran female staff member of Elite Daily. She started off as a Senior Lifestyle Writer and is now our Director of Branded Social Strategy. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter @disco_infern0!
Ashley Fern is the second most veteran female staff member of Elite Daily. She started off as a Senior Lifestyle Writer and is now our Director of Branded Social Strategy. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter @disco_infern0!

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