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The Definitive List Of All The Things That Lesbians Are Sick Of Hearing

I like to think I’m an easygoing person. I don’t get offended easily, I can laugh at myself, and I like to find the redeeming qualities in everyone.

However, there are still a handful of things capable of igniting my fire of rage. One of them is when someone, usually a guy, makes remarks about girls who have romantic feelings for other girls.

Here’s a definitive list of the most annoying things you can say to a lesbian, as well as some quick responses. There are several of these lists floating around the Internet, but somehow, people continue making these comments.

Hopefully this list will knock some sense into you. If you’ve ever been one of those people, please take note, and don’t make these comments again.

1) “Just kiss me. I can turn you straight.”

No, you can’t. And the fact that you’re almost forcing your lips onto mine really turns me on, by the way. You should try that with every girl you meet.


2) “Girls can’t have sex.”

This one is just stupid. Firstly, what defines sex is different for everyone. Secondly, Google some Babeland products, and then try to tell me lesbians can’t get pretty damn close to what you do. Thirdly, watch “Blue Is The Warmest Color” some time.


3) “Do you guys just, like, scissor?”

No.


4) “Isn’t it a nightmare when you’re both on your period?”

Your period syncing up with someone you’re dating is probably one of the absolute worst experiences ever. Seriously, the worst. Still, you don’t need to remind us about it.


5) “It must be hard to deal with all those emotions.”

Actually, men are pretty emotional, too. Emotions and amped-up feelings aren’t exclusive to women.


6) “You can’t just like girls.”

If a guy says this, the answer is: We can just like girls in the way you just like girls. If a girl says this, the answer is: We can just like girls the way you just like guys.


7) “Are you sure you don’t like having sex with guys, too?”

This one is confusing. Some lesbians like to have sex with guys, too, but don’t have an emotional, romantic connection with them. Of course, there are lesbians who do, in fact, only like having sex with girls.


8) “It’s probably a phase.”

It’s not.


9) “You don’t like penetration?”

Refer to numbers two and seven.


10) “Why do you hate men?”

Men are horrible creatures who have the emotional capacity of a peanut… (I’m kidding. We don’t hate men.)


11) “I’m better in bed than any woman.”

Doubtful.


12) “We can have a threesome.”

N-O-P-E.


13) “Who’s the ‘man’ in the relationship?”

Ughhh… Both? Neither? Why does there have to be a “man” in a relationship consisting of two women?


14) “How do you know you’re a lesbian if you’ve never had sex with a man?”

If a guy asks this, the answer is: How do you know you’re straight if you’ve never had sex with a man? If a girl asks this, the answer is: How do you know you’re straight if you’ve never had sex with a woman?


15) “I wish I were a lesbian. Dating would be so much easier.”

Dating can hurt and be messy no matter who it’s with. Just be thankful you don’t have to deal with the assh*les who say all the things I just listed.

Top Photo Courtesy: We Heart It

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Tatiana Baez

Contributor

Tatiana writes about culture, science, technology and sex, and her work has been featured in VICE, Motherboard, amNewYork and more. She likes to explore big societal issues and how they intersect with our daily lives. When Tatiana isn't at Elit ...
Tatiana writes about culture, science, technology and sex, and her work has been featured in VICE, Motherboard, amNewYork and more. She likes to explore big societal issues and how they intersect with our daily lives. When Tatiana isn't at Elit ...

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