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#Frenemies: How To Spot Someone Who Doesn’t Have Your Best Interest At Heart

There’s nothing quite like the feeling of being screwed over by a close friend.

In a way (a very small way), it’s almost funny, considering our closest friends are typically also supposed to be our “best” friends. Our best friends are supposed to be our most dependable, compassionate, genuine and loyal partners in crime.

So why the hell do some of our closest friends still randomly surprise us with subtle stabs in the back?

The last year or so has been filled with thousands of tiny moments shared with my closest friends, who have helped me realize there are essentially two basic categories of close friends.

There are the close friends who are actually really good friends (God bless you all), and then there are the close friends who are actually really sh*tty friends, good at pretending to be true friends.

It doesn’t even sound like that big of a difference. If you have some close friends who are at least good at going through the motions of being a good friend, you’re still doing pretty well for yourself, right?

Then again, I would much rather have a good surgeon than some guy really skilled at pretending to be a good surgeon. So, yes, I’d say there actually is quite a big difference.

Don’t sell yourself short by settling for the talented faker. Here are five main differences between that friend you should hold on tight to and that friend you should let go:

Genuinely Good Friends Respect Your Trust; Fake Good Friends Abuse Your Trust As A Talking Point

You can tell a lot about a friend when you confide in him or her and ask to never repeat what you said.

Even though it seems as though promises like these should obviously be upheld like sacred agreements, these exchanges of trust are often abused.

A genuinely good friend will understand your trust in her, and out of respect for you and your friendship, she knows to resist the temptation to tell anyone.

A fake good friend will always make you feel like you can trust her, but may abuse your trust and choose to use your story as some hot talking point.


Genuinely Good Friends Celebrate Your Successes With You; Fake Good Friends Only Want To Outdo You

According to a zen quote, “A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it, it just blooms.” Similarly, a good friend does not constantly worry about competing with or outdoing you.

While a little friendly competition can be good every once in a while, it’s unhealthy to gain a sense of guilty pleasure from your friend’s downfalls, or to feel a secret sense of anger when he or she succeeds.

A good friend truly enjoys your happiness, and probably even experiences more personal happiness due to yours. Even if things aren’t going as great for said friend, he or she still understands friendship is not some secret competition, and support is both healthy and necessary in good times and in bad.

Fake friends act like they enjoy your achievements, but they may also complain and make you feel guilty about something exciting in your life.

When you are on cloud nine and they are not, they may attempt to downplay your achievement and bring you down.

Yet, when the roles are reversed and you find yourself in a tougher spot, these fake friends often take advantage of you being down and portray their lives as absolutely perfect all of a sudden.


Genuinely Good Friends Understand How To Listen; Fake Good Friends Look For Chances To Talk

I’ll admit I’ve forced some of my closest friends to listen to my rants about the same stupid stuff over and over again, and I know it’s painful for them.

Yet they sit there, stay off their phones, give me some eye contact and head nods and even offer some clarifications and advice.

A fake good friend only gives you the half listen, putting a lot of effort into acting like he or she is extremely interested and listening, but no effort into actually listening.

A fake friend might zone out, text someone else about how freaking boring you are or just straight up shut you down.

Most of the time, he or she is on the hunt for a chance to get you to shut up about yourself so he or she can interject instead. If it seems like your friend always cuts you short with some story of his or her own, no matter what you’re talking about, you might have a fake on your hands.


Genuinely Good Friends Make Thoughtful Effort; Fake Good Friends Love Your Thoughtful Effort

Relationships are all about the give and take. In order to have a sense of balance and stability in a friendship, both friends must know how to give and be generous, and also receive and be grateful.

Really good friends totally understand and operate in this dynamic. They know how to show up at your house with some snacks and that movie you’ve been wanting to see after you’ve had a long day.

Fake friends love the part where you make the effort, but aren’t as fond of the reverse. Even if they’re always gracious for the little things you do for them in the name of friendship, the effort is never returned.


Genuinely Good Friends Accept You For You; Fake Good Friends Are Always Asking For More

It’s great to have someone in your life motivating you to be a better person, but when you feel as though you’re never good enough for someone, chances are, that person is the problem, not you.

You know you have a great friend when he or she loves you and accepts you for the person you are, unconditionally.

Even when you accidentally flirted with that guy your friend was eyeing, came home from the bars and feasted on an entire pizza by yourself, or even when borrowed your friend’s shirt and “forgot” to return it, genuinely good friends still totally love and support you.

Fake friends seem like they’re always trying to suck more and more out of you, like you’re never quite good enough for them. She may claim to love and accept you no matter what, but it feels like you’re always doing something wrong.

At some point you have to take a step back and ask yourself, should I be second guessing myself, or should I be second guessing this friend?

If you even have to ask, this answer is more than likely the latter.

Photo Courtesy: MTV/The Hills

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Kayla Wilkinson

Contributor

Kayla is a contributing writer from Maryland studying at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. She loves the outdoors, Mexican food, irrelevant sports and taking excessively long naps in her hammock.
Kayla is a contributing writer from Maryland studying at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. She loves the outdoors, Mexican food, irrelevant sports and taking excessively long naps in her hammock.

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