Why Finding ‘The One’ Shouldn’t Be Your Main Goal In College
When I was a little girl, I asked my mother how my life would be when I was older.
Well, the answer wasn't #flawless, if that's what you're thinking. I kind of figured that I'd become a nun, like in “Sound of Music” and be single forever.
As you can tell, I watch way too many romantic comedies, and in part, that's my own damn fault because no man will ever swoop me up in his arms and kiss me in the rain like in “The Notebook” (but I'm still here if you want to reenact the scene, Ryan).
So when I turned 15, I sat my mother down at a restaurant and told her, “This year is a big year for me. I might have a boyfriend.” I really didn't want to startle her with any sudden news that her baby girl was growing up. Instead, I was the one who got some groundbreaking news: I was still a child.
Watching “7th Heaven” made me believe that it was normal to have a boyfriend when you're 15, and it's fine if you did, but if you didn't, was that just as normal?
So throughout high school, I contemplated the scenario of kissing in the rain, holding hands at lunch and being dropped off at the movies to meet “my guy.”
I was always alert and had my radar on for Mr. Right — at least that's how my best friend described it. I just saw it as keeping my options open (It just sounds nicer, doesn't it?).
While guys were scavengers, the prospects were no good. So I went back to my mother, the same woman who listened to my 15-year-old spiel, and her advice went like this: “Don't worry about high school boys. You'll find the right guy in college.”
So I applied to the best colleges around and I became excited for class, books… and other things.
Now as a college graduate, I realized that the right guy in college is sometimes a myth, especially when the majority of your school is made up of jocks who only date jocks, guys who only date guys and nerds who only date, well, no one.
It's safe to say that I didn't find that special someone in college, but you know what? It's okay. Actually, you know what? It's freaking awesome.
College isn't for football games and bars.
I went to a school where I couldn't slack off, but my biggest distraction was my TV. If I had some guy constantly nagging me to hang out between classes or texting me every day, all day long, I think I would have just broken up with him.
I had no time for anything, and I also use that excuse for why I never cook, but in all honesty, my schoolwork came first. Maybe it's because I grew up with an Indian father and a half Chinese mother, but I was destined to be a lawyer or doctor.
Although I hate math, I'm going to work my toosh off at whatever I'm good at. So forget that extra distraction because when you can't handle it, that's exactly what a boyfriend will be.
College is fun if you're actually doing you.
So, you know those guys you date because they're a little daring and mysterious, but also clingy and jealous? Well, aren't they a little annoying?
It's too much. Let me be free! I want to be a bird, like Nelly Furtado and fly away from annoying boyfriends.
Well, sometimes when I'm home alone drinking wine, watching “Dirty Dancing,” it might be nice to have a boyfriend. But other than that, I'm very happy with going where I want, when I want and doing whatever the hell I want without checking in with anyone.
Your focus is your happiness.
When I was in the dating scene, I almost lost myself, and definitely not in a good way. I always tried to please the guy, make him happy and impress him.
You shouldn't have to impress the guy and let it be a one-way street. Say no to the days of waking up next to him and quietly rushing to the bathroom to look like you woke up like Beyoncé — we all know you didn't.
I forgot what I wanted for myself because I was so focused on making him happy. And if you ever dare decide to go to a school because of a guy, just don't. Save yourself.
I know that college is supposed to be the time where you have fun, go to class and work really hard, but you've got to remember that it's also about finding yourself.
Once you let go of that, you're basically part of someone else's life. I'd rather spend my college years having as much power over my own life and getting myself together because as of right now, I still have no idea what I'm doing in my field or what I'll do when I move.
College is just as confusing, and as a recent grad, you think you will have it all figured out by the time you get your diploma, but that's really when the confusion gets real. We all have enough on our plates as it is, with or without someone who is just as screwed up (because “the one” isn't perfect, either).
Now, as for me, I'm going to do something college will never teach us: I'm going to figure out my life before focusing on someone else's.
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