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The 5 Emotional Stages Of Getting Back Together With Your Ex BFF

It's been said that breakups with friends can be more emotionally taxing than romantic breakups.

It makes sense; when you break up with a best friend, you break up with your history. You lose a piece of yourself. When it comes to getting back together with ex-boyfriends, the results are questionable.

It's often advised that you shouldn't try to create a romantic sequel, and most girls would agree that to do so is looking for trouble.

That said, despite warning bells, it's easy to slip back into routines and return to people who once represented significant chapters in your life.

Reuniting with an ex-best friend is a completely different ball game with an array of equally wild emotions. It's a roller coaster for sure, but when it culminates with a happy ending, it often leads to a stronger friendship than you may have started with.

Here are the unavoidable stages you go through when reuniting with your former BFF:

Stage One: Nostalgia

It's often nostalgia that sparks the initial desire to rekindle your friendship. You stumble upon something funny online, or something that reminds you of an inside joke, and you just have to share it with her.

This will often come with a pang of sadness when you remember that you two are no longer friends. But, you figure that you can put your tension aside for a few minutes and share a laugh over something meaningful to both of you.

So you'll text over a screenshot, complete with the laughing-so-hard-I'm-crying emoji, trying to be as casual as possible. Before you know it, you're fully immersed in a conversation via text message.

It's only a matter of time before one of you suggests getting together, something low-key like froyo or a mani-pedi. With that tiny push from nostalgia, you've begun your journey out of the friendship limbo.


Stage Two: Skepticism

This is when you start to remember all of the sh*t that went down between you two.

Perhaps it was a trust issue, or maybe she abandoned you for her then boyfriend. Regardless of the cause of your demise, you begin to worry that history will repeat itself.

You'll find yourself checking in with mutual friends, casually asking what she's been up to. You'll peruse her Twitter and Instagram before agreeing to get together in person.

You want to trust this person with your heart again, but you're just not sure if you can. In some ways, the bond between besties runs deeper than any romance.

This girl knows your deepest secrets, and she's witnessed your most embarrassing moments. The loss you felt when the friendship crumbled was sharp, and you worry that it'll never be the same again.


Stage Three: Caution

The first few times you have contact with your former friend, you'll feel like you are tiptoeing.

You don't want to get too close too fast again, so you keep things superficial and discuss your favorite TV shows over salads, or you shop together without chatting about anything beyond clothes.

You don't want to tell her about the guy you're crushing on or the fight you had with your mom. You're not quite ready to dive back in, but you hope that you will feel ready to do so soon.

Taking it slow is your strategy; you're hopeful for your future and missing your past.


Stage Four: Release

After spending enough time together again, you both inevitably slip into your old roles. You find your comfort and your rhythm.

Whether it's a joke that eases the tension or the admittance of a secret, you'll feel as though a switch has been flipped. All of a sudden, it's like someone rewound the clock, and your fight never even happened.

You'll laugh so hard that it hurts, and you'll both probably end up crying. You'll sit on the floor of her living room and talk for hours, just like old times.

You'll wonder how the hell you two managed to ever spend any time apart, and you'll vow never to fight again.


Stage Five: Empowerment

Being back together with your bestie never felt so good. The power of your dynamic duo has essentially doubled in intensity now that you've survived the black hole of friendships.

You know that since you two made it through this, your friendship can make it through anything. Your bond is even more resilient than it was before your epic fight.

Most importantly, the time you spent apart allowed you to appreciate your friendship on a whole new level.

You know what life is like with your partner in crime, and what life is like without her. Hands down, you'll choose her every time.

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De Elizabeth

Contributor

De is contributing writer based in Boston. She is a Bard College theatre alum, and attended BU for her masters in education. She loves koalas, cooking, dance parties, and avocados. Follow her on twitter @deelizabeth_ and instagram @deelizabeth9
De is contributing writer based in Boston. She is a Bard College theatre alum, and attended BU for her masters in education. She loves koalas, cooking, dance parties, and avocados. Follow her on twitter @deelizabeth_ and instagram @deelizabeth9

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