#FloridaProblems: 28 Things That Only People From Florida Will Understand
People from Florida are a breed all their own. They have a different set of problems compared to everyone else in the country. Sure, it may seem like it’s summer all year long, but there are unique struggles only Floridians will understand.
It rains basically everyday, there is no variation in seasons and the frizzy hair that girls experience is simply horrific. The state loves its inhabitants so much, it developed a system to ensure they never leave: Shout out to Florida Pre-Paid and Bright Futures!
Let’s take a look at some of the struggles Floridians have experienced throughout their lives:
1. Everyone lives in a gated community.
I think I had one friend in high school who didn’t live in a gated community. You would think Florida was some crime-infested state where everyone must live behind iron gates or risk vicious attack. Newsflash: People can still rob the unlocked cars in your driveway; it happens more than you think.
2. Getting into your friend’s neighborhood on a holiday turns into a disaster.
Enjoy that 30-minute wait as the guy working the guard gate on Thanksgiving has to call each and every home, requesting permission to allow visitors into the neighborhood.
3. Getting pulled over is literally a joke.
When the speed limit is 70 MPH on the highway, it’s pretty damn easy to justify going 20 over. I mean, there are five lanes available for a reason, aren’t there? Florida cops don’t give tickets; they give warnings.
4. You don’t know how to parallel park.
There aren’t even sidewalks in Florida, so learning to parallel park is essentially irrelevant. I’m not sure why the lawmakers think you are going to live in this state forever, but hey, it makes getting your license a hell of a lot easier.
5. You got your first car at 15.
It was probably an IS300 or 3 Series Beemer. #Winning
6. It always rains at some point during the day.
You literally don’t ever need to check the weather because it’s always going to rain, even if it is just for 15 seconds.
7. You never enter your house through the front door.
The way you enter your house is nontraditional when living in Florida. You only use the garage or your side door since your front door is probably dead-bolted.
8. Ninety percent of your friends have a swimming pool in their backyards.
I’m not sure who created the unwritten rule of making a pool essentially mandatory for almost every home in the state. Hey, we’re definitely not complaining about this one.
9. You’re all too familiar with roundabout driveways.
It never ends… NEVER!
10. The majority of your friends went to college at FSU, UF, UCF, FAU, FIU or USF.
Thanks to the Bright Futures Scholarship, Florida basically pays you to remain in-state for college, hoping you will never leave and even raise your family there, thus, adding back to their economy. We see what you did there, Florida; well played.
11. Tailgating your friend’s guard gate was a frequent pass time.
Ain’t nobody got time to wait on line at the gate when you have places to be! Oh that awkward moment when you attempt to get through and fail, as the security pole comes crashing down on the hood of your car…
12. The security guard at your gate will smoke weed with you.
And they will bust out a sh*t ton of tricks that will blow you away. Shout out to Weston Hills Country Club!
13. There is no limit on license duplicates.
Oh, and the best part is that you can order it online and have it delivered to your door, or to whomever you are selling it to. Most Florida bars don’t even care what your ID looks like as long as it’s real and state official.
14. You’ve been going 90 in a 65 since you were 15.
Um, excuse me, the speed limit is 70, aka 90. Shout out to you and your radar detector.
15. You’re 23 years old and on your second or third car.
They see me rollin’, they hatin’…
16. Coat check doesn’t exist anywhere.
Sometimes it’s 50 degrees! Now what?
17. South Florida is its own state.
South is more “North” and North is more “South.”
18. You go to the tanning salon on a 70-degree, sunny day.
Who has time to lie out for three hours?
19. “Chonga” is an essential part of your vocabulary.
This term was invented to describe half of the people at your high school.
20. You know someone who has had sex on a golf course.
House parties are their own breed of insanity in Florida. The fact that your friend’s house was probably located on a golf course really supported your “private” time during these festivities.
21. Up north, people have sex in their basements; Floridians have sex in their cars.
You can’t have basements in Florida because they would sink into the ground. Where else are teens supposed to fool around? In the car they received on their fifteenth birthday, that’s where.
22. People are actually insulted if you do not speak Spanish.
This is especially true in South Florida. I’m sorry, but I thought English was the primary language in America… my bad.
23. You thought you were being “adventurous” when you went to Boomers in middle school.
This was the highlight of your Friday night, especially because your parents let you wander around without them.
24. You have commitment issues due to the Panthers, Marlins, Dolphins and Heat.
This is beyond self-explanatory.
25. Hurricane days are a real thing.
You will probably experience at least two days off from school every year due to hurricanes. Hurricane Katrina and Hurricane Wilma probably got you out of school for weeks at a time.
26. You were probably 15 years old the first time you saw cocaine.
Maybe it’s because it’s so close to the various cartels, but in Florida, people are whipping out hard drugs at every open house party.
27. You feel more experienced in social aspects of life compared to your Northern friends.
You are actually astonished by your friends in college who have never smoked a cigarette or seen a line before.
28. Your high school had block scheduling.
Four classes for an hour and a half a day was a struggle to get used to, but upon entering college, you realized you were way more prepared than your fellow peers.
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