Keep It Classy: How To Avoid Looking Like A Sloppy Drunk This New Year’s Eve

Keep It Classy: How To Avoid Looking Like A Sloppy Drunk This New Year’s Eve
Life
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

New Year’s Eve: the most overrated night you won’t remember. It’s a tricky night of drinking. Tricky because you typically start drinking earlier than usual in order to tie on that ideal buzz for when the clock strikes midnight.

Maybe you went to dinner and had a drink along with that special occasion filet mignon, or maybe you started ripping shots as you tried to fit into a dress you bought two months ago. Regardless, the liquor is flowing and your morals are fading from your conscious mind.

We’re at that age when blacking out is less acceptable (Was it ever really acceptable?), making it crucial to know how to pretend to be more sober than you actually are. Ladies, it’s time to perfect the lines you used to use to convince your boyfriend that you’re not really that drunk…

How do you trick people into believing you’re much less inebriated than your alcohol intake says you are? Well, let’s take a look:

Always wear dark clothes.

tumblr_ml64yvHXsm1rrfdcuo1_500

You may be asking yourself: “Why?” The answer is simple: Everyone knows how easy it is to spill when you can’t balance, ergo the dark colors. No one will notice that spilled vodka cranberry on your shirt if it’s black, now, will they?


Drink out of a normal sized/shaped glass.

drunk_girls_gifs_04

Who can balance a martini glass while walking around a bar? I can’t even move from the bar to my stool without spilling it. Go for a bottled beer or a regular glass with a straw to avoid getting dirty looks from the people with wet backs. Pinkies up, people!


Drink champagne.

tumblr_mburb6pMCb1rq0hnm

That sh*t makes you look real classy — that is, until the next morning when you’re doubled over with your head in the toilet. You know who looks like an alcoholic? The guy ripping tequila shots. You know who doesn’t? You, drinking out of an elegant flute.


It’s all about the body language, baby.

large

If you are using your hands a lot when speaking, chances are, no one is noticing your slurred speech. Dance and move around; always keep the talking to a minimum. It also helps to keep the babbling to a minimum because everyone knows, the more you drink, the more you run your mouth.


Eat food and drink water.

tumblr_lp4uigkw6F1qbmf8z

Keep a protein bar in your purse in case you get that drunk. Also, it’s always wise to alternate between an alcoholic beverage and a glass of water. I don’t know why more people don’t do this. Just say you’re sipping on a vodka on the rocks — that’ll really shut people up.


Don’t announce that you have to vomit.

jwoww-gag

Just go to the bathroom! Seriously, ladies, I know it’s hard to walk the 10 feet to the restroom by yourself, but just do it. You don’t want your equally-as-f*cked-up friend running back to the party screaming, “OMG, Nicole just vommed everywhere!”


Avoid elevated surfaces.

tumblr_lgj8y2CXg91qbjuneo1_500

Don’t dance on tables. You will fall and break something — not just the glass in your hand. Seriously, do not dance on the bar; do not dance on a chair — just don’t do it!


Don’t take your shoes off.

tumblr_m78nd1mD6L1rb5dcbo1_500

Do not take your shoes off so everyone can see your nasty feet touching the disease-riddled floor; otherwise, you will be added to this list. This is absolutely disgusting. You do know people sometimes pee on the floor, right? And that’s among other things. It’s just plain nasty and dirty. Don’t be that girl; you’re much too old to even think you can get away with this.


Don’t dance like you strip for a side job.

tumblr_mkak8mGU2O1rfbm3xo1_500

Grinding was cool back in 2000. Please keep a nice, comfortable space between you and whomever you are dancing with. Sh*t ain’t right; nobody wants to see you essentially f*cking on the dance floor. It’s NYE, I’m sure this person will be more than willing to go home with you at the end of the night.


Ignore all the rules.

tumblr_mkj5g4rn0X1ry4q0lo1_500

True alcoholics don’t play by the rules.

Share Tweet
React
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Ashley Fern

Ashley comes to Elite Daily from the happiest valley in State College, Pennsylvania. She was born and raised between New York and South Florida, but spent the most fun years at Penn State. Her time spent there proved you can have the best time of your life by doing things you can't remember while simultaneously pursuing a political science degree. She divides her time between binge-watching “Entourage,” giving unwanted opinions and convincing herself that she will one day marry Dwyane Wade. For more unadulterated fun follow her on Twitter and Instagram at @Disco_Infern0.

More In Life

Also On Elite

Music

A Group Of Retirees Dance To Pharrell’s ‘Happy’ And It May Be The Best One Yet (Video)

Enthusiastic staff members and residents at the Diana Isaac Retirement Village were eager to show how happy they are with this rendition of Pharrell’s famous feet-stomping tune. These 60 retirees in Christchurch, New Zealand choreographed a performance to “Happy” to show their grandchildren and children what they’re made of, and it’s impossible not to smile throughout […]

Sports

29 Wrestling GIFs That Perfectly Describe Your Fantasy Football Season

By now we all know that fantasy football is much more than just an online game. It’s a cultural phenomenon with millions of devout believers who are all in it for the same thing — to win big. Just imagine NFL Sundays without it. Those of us who have played in the past know how rewarding […]