The Love/Hate Relationship Everyone Has With Chipotle
You say Chipotle; we say Chip-pot-le. Regardless of how you pronounce it, chances are you either love it or hate it.
I have tried to jump on the Chipotle bandwagon many a times, since it seems to be my friends’ go-to meal, but I honestly don’t get it.
Is it that good? Doesn’t your stomach hurt after eating a bowl or burrito full of all that stuff? How can you eat that for lunch and just simply go about your day? Doesn’t it put you out of commission? Aren’t you tired?
The only time I even had Chipotle was back in college when my best friend worked there and slipped me quesadillas under the table.
While I personally worship Jimmy John’s (yes, it’s totally fine and acceptable to be in love with a sandwich), I thought it would be interesting to delve into the minds of Chipotle lovers and decipher this love/hate relationship.
1. Guacamole costs extra: HATE
How can you eat Chipotle without getting a side of guacamole?
2. They serve Patron Margaritas: LOVE
There is no other “fast food” restaurant that serves alcohol. You do have to drink your margarita inside the establishment, but that’s a small price to pay for getting tipsy on your lunch break.
3. The misleading line: HATE
Do I have enough time to wait on this line that is basically out the door? Wait, how is this line of 20+ people moving so damn fast?
To prepare your food, there is literally an assembly line of employees who shout out yes or no questions, which you feel pressured to answer on the spot because of the absurd line behind you.
4. They only serve the best chips ever: LOVE
The chips at Chipotle have the perfect amount of salt and lime flavor.
5. The fact that people think it’s owned by McDonald’s: HATE
Puhlease! That was so 2006. McDonald’s rescinded ownership back in 2006 when Chipotle went public on the NYSE. Woop!
4. You feel like you’re being healthy by getting the salad: LOVE
But you hate that, in reality, the dressing has more calories than your meal alone. #FAIL
5. When you have three bites left of a burrito but you can’t breathe so you go through the struggle of leaving an embarrassing amount left or finishing it: HATE
It’s just disrespectful not to finish your entire burrito.
6. Getting a substantial, filling meal for $8: LOVE
It’s hard in this day and age to find a fulfilling meal that’s under $15 and is also somewhat healthy. Well, look no further because Chipotle offers just that.
7. Feeling like you’re going to vomit for an hour after because you’re so full: HATE
I’m a little confused as to how people manage to do anything productive after ingesting anything from Chipotle.
8. How easy it is to steal the Tabasco sauce: LOVE
As I type this, I am looking at a bottle of green pepper Tabasco sauce that my coworker totally jacked from the Chipotle around the corner. It’s like they want you to take home a souvenir.
9. The anxiety of whether guacamole will be discontinued: HATE
Screw you, global warming, for causing an increase in the price of avocados. The fact that this could even happen is terrifying and will probably ignite the next world war.
10. The low-key secret menu: LOVE
11. They always forget the dressing: HATE
They know I got a salad, yet they forget to give me the dressing. The dressing is crucial! If you don’t know about Chipotle dressing, you don’t know about Chipotle.
12. The debate it sparks: LOVE
People who don’t like Chipotle don’t understand how someone can worship such a chain. And honestly, people who love Chipotle don’t even want to entertain the idea that others out there don’t feel the same way they do.
13. It’s still considered fast food: HATE
People try to claim it isn’t because it’s “healthy.”
14. You can always swindle your way into a cheaper meal: LOVE
Fill your free water cup with soda, ask for extra scoops of the toppings included and report something wrong with your meal. They’ll just make you a second one for free.
15. They put cilantro mix in everything: HATE
Is it just me or does this taste like soap? It’s such a travesty since it’s mixed into the rice, making a burrito just not an option. Well, unless you want to be the assh*le who holds up the line for some fresh rice.
16. It’s a custom-made burrito shop: LOVE
It’s a custom-made burrito shop, instead of a place that is cranking out mass-produced, homogenized tacos.
17. When people put their hands over the glass: HATE
I’m pretty sure you don’t need to point out the corn or pico de gallo to the server. They do this all day, every day. They are very familiar as to what corn looks like.
18. Indecisive customers: HATE
Ta-ta-ta-today, junior! This ain’t your first rodeo, buddy. You probably had 10 minutes waiting on line to decide your order. Don’t get all flustered when it’s time to choose; this isn’t actually “The Hunger Games.”
19. Vegan Menu: LOVE/HATE
Thank you for including us in your thoughts, but the last thing I want to eat is something that looks exactly like pulled pork.
20. Burritos are so thin they always break: HATE
I wanted to eat my lunch, not wear it all over my blouse, thank you very much.
21. The shredded cheese never melts: HATE
They just throw it on top thinking it’ll evenly melt, but much to everyone’s dismay, it never does.
Top Photo Courtesy: We Heart It
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