No One Gives A Sh*t: A Letter To That Person With A 120-Second Snapchat Story
Dear person who needs a dose of reality,
Before we proceed to the bulk of this letter, let me just preface with this: I love Snapchat. Seriously, I do.
It, honestly, could be my favorite form of social media — yes, even rivaling Instagram. People don't filter their behavior on Snapchat because once the image or video is seen, it's gone forever.
Sure, Evan Spiegel probably has a hefty spank bank full of every naked picture anyone's ever sent, but, whatever, it's not like you know him personally anyway…
Snapchat stories really changed the way the app is used. It gets pretty annoying having to scroll through your contact list to pick out which individuals you want to send your videos or pictures to, which is why Snap stories are the best thing that have ever happened to Snapchat.
But with any form of social media, there is a line that should not be crossed. If your story is 125 seconds of you at the Jay Z and Beyoncé concert, you just aren't doing it right.
Why did you spend over $200 on floor seats to watch the concert through your phone screen?
No, seriously. I am asking this question because I feel as if I saw their show in at least four different cities and didn't spend one dollar on the experience.
One 10-second clip of “Drunk In Love” is more than sufficient enough to get the point across that you (along with 23,571,284,969 other people) are at the concert. In all seriousness though, thank you for saving me an arm and a leg on a ticket.
Honestly, thank God you can tap the screen to move on to the next video because if I had to actually watch a full reel of your cat scratching your face, I would probably jump out the nearest window. (FYI: for those who didn't know this, I just changed your life.)
What are the other ways people inappropriately Snap story? I'll sum it up for you in one word: ANIMALS.
Newsflash: no one thinks your dog or cat is cute, except for you… no, I don't care if it's licking your face — we've seen it a hundred times, and that's already been much too much.
Also, if you have a Snap story of your “night out” that lasts well above the 120-second mark, how good is your night? I totally get Snapping a story here and there, but inundating your friends' feeds with a play-by-play over the course of your entire night is just unnecessary and pretty lame.
You may think that two minutes isn't that long of a period of time, but when I'm forced to watch you and your friends jumping up and down for the entire time — it feels like an eternity.
At least do something entertaining if you feel the need to infiltrate my life in this manner.
So next time you seek to create a Snap story, try and adhere to these guidelines:
1. If you have to question yourself before you post it — don't
2. Don't upload things people can't open in public without warning them first
3. Don't be basic (food, animals, the sun, your Starbucks order…)
4. Switch it up — we don't need back-to-back videos of you at a concert or a rave
5. No screaming — if you have to turn down your sound to listen, you're doing too much
Photo Courtesy: Tumblr
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