I’ve recently fallen back into the “healthy lifestyle” of eating well and going to the gym. I feel awesome and I’m definitely excited about it, but am consciously attempting to keep my endeavor as private as possible. Why?
Because of the fear that I may be categorized into what may be the next pitfall of civilization: #FitFam. You know the type: the clean-eating, weight lifting, meal-prepping cult that is ruining social media, and potentially the world, with their antics.
This movement needs to be stopped and I’ve created a neat little list as to why:
1. They make completely average people think they are famous
Due to their cult-like following and rampant popularity over social media, the thousands of #FitFam members create celebrities out of everyday people who become the leaders of the movement.
These people most likely have naturally fit bodies, but because of their obsessive exercise and diet habits, have become gurus of “fit” and therefore have become “famous” on social media.
2. They make you feel bad for eating normal food
They like to guilt you into feeling that your grilled cheese sandwich is no less than blasphemy. How could you knowingly consume anything but talapia, string beans and sweet potato and live with yourself?
While enjoying your bloody mary, eggs benedict and coffee with cream at brunch, a quick scroll through your Instagram and you now feel like the biggest heffer in Farmville.
3. They think this is sexy:
4. They only know how to express themselves in meme form
The constant barrage of memes that come from these people’s accounts is shocking and unreal.
Somewhere out there, members who are probably very bored or hungry have made a meme for nearly every gym or dieting scenario, most of them targeting those outside of the “movement.”
Nothing like waking up, getting ready for work and seeing a quick meme-reminder from #FitFam saying: WAKE UP! GO TO THE GYM! #NO #EXCUSES… But, I have a job…
5. They complain about their self-imposed lifestyle (e.g. “meal-prepping”)
“Sunday nights getting my meal prep in #ugh #process #results #worthit”
Listen, if you want to spend the better part of your Sunday organizing tasteless food into Tupperware, go for it, but don’t then complain to the virtual world about it.
When I scroll through my Instagram feed on a Sunday, I only want to see pictures of brunch, sauce cooking in a pot (Italians, what up!), or the documented drunken escapades from everyone’s night prior.
6. They upload photos and videos of workouts that anyone can do
They upload pictures of squats and bicep curls as if they are the stars of their very own workout videos. Guess what, people? We can all do that, too, but we don’t creepily have someone sit on the bench and film us while we do it.
7. They suddenly believe they are certified nutritionists
They love to broadcast over social media how many antioxidants are in a cup of blueberries or how many kilocalories are in your french fries, throwing in as much medical jargon as they can muster.
8. They “follow” and “like” people and posts as if they belong to some sort of cult… which they do
If you want to gain followers easily, just hashtag #FitFam or a variation under your picture and you will get at least one or two new followers (usually with names like @fitness_girl01 or bros_wh0lift).
The only thing these people love more than talking about their healthy lifestyle is cheering on their fellow cult members. I guess you have to admire their camaraderie.
The worst thing to happen to neon since EDM.
10. Their food makes us sad
Drawing on #2 and #5, seeing or hearing about the foods they eat literally makes us sad. When I look at food on Instagram, I want to be amazed, enamored and hunger-stricken, not disgusted and looking to cop an anti-depressant.
There is nothing — I repeat, NOTHING — happy about the above.
11. They date each other, procreate and form tribes of weight lifting spawn
The worst part about the #FitFam is that it grows daily and breeds, just like a real, working cult. Its members have found love in a hopeless place (somewhere between the squatting bench and the weight rack), and if history repeats itself, we may find ourselves facing a race of really scary, strong people in 15 to 20 years.
… But I guess it’s better than a population of obese people, which is also probably in our immediate future. Why can’t we all just be normal and healthy?! This article has made me hungry. Time for a snack. #FoodProblems
*This article reflects the opinion of the author and was written in a satirical manner.
Top Photo Courtesy: We Heart It
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