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Why Scorpios Are The Hardest People To Stalk On Social Media

Hey Rosebud,

This is a weird question, but does your astrological sign have any effect on social media habits?

I’m a Scorpio, but I’m asking for a friend — really.

Sincerely,

Curious

Hey Curious,

Of course you’re asking for a friend. Scorpios are more curious about unravelling somebody else’s mystery than they are about figuring out themselves.

However, to protect the privacy of whomever you might be online stalking, I’m going to answer your question as it applies to you.

In fact, yes, your social media activity is influenced by your zodiac sign.

Scorpios understand that information is power. They are the sign that is most likely to have their privacy settings on lockdown, never posting anything that reveals too much.

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You’re an expert at keeping your secrets safe, and you’re even better at figuring out the mysteries of others.

The internet — along with all its users — are your playthings.

You can turn basic Facebook stalking into a CIA-level investigation of the past, present and future.

You can take the basic information in someone’s Instagram bio and find out the address of the home they grew up in. You can visit that home and find clues that reveal why they have intimacy issues, based on the coordinates of their childhood playground.

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Scorpio, you value privacy above all other things in this life.

And that’s because you know that the more information someone has on you, the greater their ability becomes to intellectually infiltrate your mind and manipulate you.

So, you lock all the doors and windows, and you arm yourself with their information, preparing for a war that IS NOT COMING.

Relax, Scorpio. Keep your eyes on your own paper. Nobody is trying to stalk you and bring you down.

And before you even ask, NO, this message was not brought to you by my experience dating a Scorpio.

Sincerely,

Rosebud

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Rosebud Baker

Editor

Rosebud Baker is a standup comic and writer in NYC. Follow her on Twitter, where she desperately seeks the approval of strangers, but will settle for just attention.
Rosebud Baker is a standup comic and writer in NYC. Follow her on Twitter, where she desperately seeks the approval of strangers, but will settle for just attention.

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