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30 Signs Your Innocent Coffee Habit Has Become A Full-Blown Addiction

Coffee is a lot like beer: It doesn't really taste that good, and while we might tell ourselves we're enjoying it, we're really just putting up with the bitterness until the chemicals kick in and the world becomes a little less unbearable for a while.

Unlike beer, society has deemed coffee to be one of the few mind-altering substances that we're allowed to consume wherever, whenever and (thanks to coffee enemas) however we want. That being said, there's a fine line between having a love for coffee and having a full-blown addiction.

I obviously don't want to minimize the seriousness of real, actual addiction, which is something people who use the term “I'm LITERALLY addicted to coffee!” probably haven't had to deal with in their lives.

With that being said, coffee is technically a drug and, like almost any drug, there's a reason people keep going back to it. However, if you relate to any of the things on this list, you might want to reevaluate things a little bit.

1. You always know where to score some no matter where you are

2. You tell yourself your barista views you as a friend, not a customer

3. That barista hates you because you avoid tipping to have more money for coffee

4. You're always on the hunt for a darker roast

5. You've seriously considered injecting it directly into your veins

6. You figured out it's easier to cut out the middleman and started buying in bulk

7. You reuse mugs more times than you should

8. You've gotten the shakes because you've had too much

9. You've gotten the shakes because you haven't had enough

10. You've reenacted the printer scene from “Office Space” with a Keurig

11. You burned the skin off of your tongue and kept drinking anyway

12. You've fought someone because he left room for cream

13. Kahlua is your second favorite drink

14. You can judge the quality with a quick sniff

15. You know Colombia exports the best product

16. You've gone to three different coffee shops in one day so no one judges you

17. You don't care if the substance you're about to ingest was covered in poop

18. You've chugged a flask filled with espresso in a bathroom stall at work

19. You don't keep track of how much you spend on coffee because the actual number is too depressing

20. You've hurt a family member or loved one who tried to talk to you before you've had your first cup

21. You've actually used a coffee enema

22. You've gotten cut off from a “bottomless cup”

23. You've actively tried to quit and relapsed within the hour

24. You've eaten a handful of beans because you didn't feel like waiting

25. You ended a “Pay It Forward” chain at Starbucks so you could get a second cup for free

26. You've dug through the trash for used K-Cups when there were no other options

27. Bulletproof coffee somehow makes you tired

28. You can instantly tell when your drink has been cut with decaf

29. You stopped using cream because it makes the rush less intense

30. You say “I seriously can't function without coffee!” and mean it

Top Photo Courtesy: Tumblr

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Connor Toole

Contributor

Connor Toole is Elite Daily’s Senior Humor Writer and resident giant, standing at 6’ 10”. He graduated from Boston College, where he majored in something he immediately regretted. His interests include Mark Ruffalo.
Connor Toole is Elite Daily’s Senior Humor Writer and resident giant, standing at 6’ 10”. He graduated from Boston College, where he majored in something he immediately regretted. His interests include Mark Ruffalo.

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