30 Signs Your Innocent Coffee Habit Has Become A Full-Blown Addiction
Coffee is a lot like beer: It doesn’t really taste that good, and while we might tell ourselves we’re enjoying it, we’re really just putting up with the bitterness until the chemicals kick in and the world becomes a little less unbearable for a while.
Unlike beer, society has deemed coffee to be one of the few mind-altering substances that we’re allowed to consume wherever, whenever and (thanks to coffee enemas) however we want. That being said, there’s a fine line between having a love for coffee and having a full-blown addiction.
I obviously don’t want to minimize the seriousness of real, actual addiction, which is something people who use the term “I’m LITERALLY addicted to coffee!” probably haven’t had to deal with in their lives.
With that being said, coffee is technically a drug and, like almost any drug, there’s a reason people keep going back to it. However, if you relate to any of the things on this list, you might want to reevaluate things a little bit.
1. You always know where to score some no matter where you are
2. You tell yourself your barista views you as a friend, not a customer
3. That barista hates you because you avoid tipping to have more money for coffee
4. You’re always on the hunt for a darker roast
5. You’ve seriously considered injecting it directly into your veins
6. You figured out it’s easier to cut out the middleman and started buying in bulk
7. You reuse mugs more times than you should
8. You’ve gotten the shakes because you’ve had too much
9. You’ve gotten the shakes because you haven’t had enough
10. You’ve reenacted the printer scene from “Office Space” with a Keurig
11. You burned the skin off of your tongue and kept drinking anyway
12. You’ve fought someone because he left room for cream
13. Kahlua is your second favorite drink
14. You can judge the quality with a quick sniff
15. You know Colombia exports the best product
16. You’ve gone to three different coffee shops in one day so no one judges you
17. You don’t care if the substance you’re about to ingest was covered in poop
18. You’ve chugged a flask filled with espresso in a bathroom stall at work
19. You don’t keep track of how much you spend on coffee because the actual number is too depressing
20. You’ve hurt a family member or loved one who tried to talk to you before you’ve had your first cup
21. You’ve actually used a coffee enema
22. You’ve gotten cut off from a “bottomless cup”
23. You’ve actively tried to quit and relapsed within the hour
24. You’ve eaten a handful of beans because you didn’t feel like waiting
25. You ended a “Pay It Forward” chain at Starbucks so you could get a second cup for free
26. You’ve dug through the trash for used K-Cups when there were no other options
27. Bulletproof coffee somehow makes you tired
28. You can instantly tell when your drink has been cut with decaf
29. You stopped using cream because it makes the rush less intense
30. You say “I seriously can’t function without coffee!” and mean it
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