In terms of stoner sustainability, New York City is probably the worst place anyone can live. However, that’s not to say that there still aren’t millions of potheads who inhabit this concrete metropolis every damn day. But just ask any one of them — it sucks! At least when it comes to smoking their weed.
Could it be the Bronx apartment grown “sour” that has us feeling funny after hitting the blunt (not in a good way) or is it because, just like everything else in the city, the prices are too damn ridiculous? Whatever the case is, life is just different for stoners here.
If Cali people knew some of the struggles and hardships that New Yorkers have to go through just to get a little high, then surely they would respect the hustle. Sh*t ain’t easy!
But thanks to the resilience of the good people of the city, they’ve adapted and are better for it. If you can smoke in New York, you can smoke weed everywhere. These are the 10 reasons why being a stoner in NYC sucks:
A dub isn’t always a gram
We’re used to getting skimped with our bags out in the city. Could it because of a low supply of buddha sweeping the tri-state area? Or are the drug dealers just like all New Yorkers and are giant assh*les? Whatever the case is, you never get what you pay for in this city.
You have to smoke on cold ass roofs or fire escapes during the winter
While most of you smoke comfortably walking down your quiet block or inside your fancy car, just know that kids in New York are climbing mountains just to blaze. In the winter months, especially, it gets worse. Most of us are forced to relocate on top of roofs or fire escapes in these frigid temperatures. It’s not a rare sight to see a bunch of kids huddled up next to the river, cyphing a blunt in the dead middle of a snow storm.
There’s absolutely nothing worse than city dealers. Not only are they always late (30 minutes at least), but they are just too wildly inconsistent. Sure you’ll get a dank sack one day, but then they’ll turn around the next and serve you a bag of sticks. And you’d better pray that he’ll sell you three dubs for $50. Sheesh!
Smoking on the streets is too hotboy
While it’s not always our first choice, sometimes you just have to toke up in the middle of the city streets. Sure it’s done often, but it comes with a strong risk of getting bagged by police or having your spot blown by some assh*le. Blazing in the streets is one of the uneasiest feelings and in a city where police patrol like it’s their job, your chances of getting away are always 50-50.
Munchies are too expensive afterwards
So you just smoked a fat ass blunt and you want to eat some fire sh*t. Good thing NYC is the culinary capital of the world, right? That’s until you realize everything costs an arm and a leg. Want a burger and fries from Shake Shack? $15. And forget about it if you have a sushi craving. Thank God for one dollar pizza.
Your neighbors are pussies (they’re probably jealous)
Since it’s virtually impossible to smoke in the streets undetected, surely you should be able to toke up in your sh*tty apartment, right? Not so fast. Thanks to all of the p*ssy ass neighbors who inhabit most of these overpriced boxes, they will call the doorman once they smell the reefer. Sure using a sploof as if you’re in college can be effective, but should we really be having to resort to this in the comfort of our own home? Hell no!
People just want to smoke blunts only
Look, we like smoking blunts just as much as the next guy. But when vanilla dutches become the only wave, you can go a little crazy. Don’t tell that to your homies though. Just like in every element in life, New Yorkers are stubborn when it comes to this. They aren’t going to go anywhere near your Raw papers or steamroller. They like their smoke tasting like their city streets — dirty.
There is no nature to look at outside of Central Park
Going for walks throughout the city when you’re smacked can be quite adventurous. However, you’re not going to see too many pretty sights (besides a bad b*tch) or anything of the nature variety. Unless you count rats as wildlife.
If you call delivery services, you’re getting robbed
Sure delivery services are convenient and they usually carry some higher grade sh*t, but when you’re paying $60 for two grams, then you are seriously getting ripped off. Getting delivery and having your weed man come to you is a luxury, so make sure you’re prepared to cough up the extra cash. Hopefully they carry some edibles for your troubles.
You always see the craziest sh*t when you’re stoned in the city
From witnessing a bum take a sh*t on the 1 Train, to getting a puddle splashed on you by a blue Bugatti, you will surely always have some wild sh*t happen to you while stoned in the city. Especially when venturing off into the dark underworld known as the subways. Not only will you feel like everyone on the train is looking at you, but your chances of seeing two hobos jerking each other off in the corner is higher than anywhere in the world.