The Times When It's Bad To Be High

Let's face it: while we wish we could get high all day 'err day, there are certain times when it's just better to be sober. Toking up is fun until there are real repercussions involved like getting in trouble with the po' po' or failing a drug test.

Being a good stoner also means knowing when to pass up on the joint, literally. But hey, sometimes life throws you a curveball and you find yourself high at the most inopportune moment. Deep breaths! You aren’t acting as weird as you think you are, and you will make it out of here alive.

For all those times when you just wish you hadn’t hit the bong….

Speaking to your friends’ parents

One half of your brain is concentrating on not saying anything stupid, while the other half is cursing you for getting so high.

Airport security

Anything can happen. And they have dogs.

Getting pulled over by a cop

Speaking to any authority never ends well. And if by some miracle it does, you promise yourself you’ll never get high again.

Ordering ANYTHING

Always too much, always indecisive, and always stuttering.

Receiving your ticket at the movie theater

The jig is up. Everyone who went to the movies and saw “This Is The End” was baked out of their minds and the movie attendants all knew. So there!

Figuring out tip

Okay, how much do we leave on a $20 bill? Move the decimal over to…f*ck it, I’m just going to leave $10 and call it a day.

Getting an unexpected phone call from work or your grandparents

Hi, Grandma. No, now is not a bad time unless you want to talk to me while I’m extremely stoned.

Responding via text message with something that you think is funny...until it’s not

Why do these always sound better in our heads? Face palming so hard.

When no one else is home and you just watched a really scary movie

Cue the dark, weird thoughts. There’s definitely somebody in the house, and they’re absolutely going to kill you. Good luck.

Finding a mouse in your apartment

That is going to have to wait until you’re sober again.

Writing an essay or completing any homework

Plato and Socrates were stoned when they were philosophizing. Right?

Running into an acquaintance on the street

We like you -- we just wish we didn’t see you at this very moment. And we’re not conscious enough to be having small talk. Congrats on the new job and apartment or whatever news you have to share.

Packing

You’re going to forget everything.

The subway

Everyone is suspicious.

Going out to a meal when everyone else is NOT high

Oh, you’re the only one who pregamed beforehand? Party of one please…

Skiing

Wow, suddenly the mountain feels a whole lot steeper. How are you supposed to get down again?

Calling an automated voice message

Can I please just speak to a real person? Touch dial is hard to understand.

Babysitting

Interacting with the dad alone is bad enough. Interacting with his kids when they scream in your face is even worse. You shouldn’t be responsible for someone’s life when you’re not sober.

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