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5 Unwritten Rules Of Social Media That Make The Awkward Guy Even More Awkward

Given that our culture is so deeply entrenched with social media apps, all of which vie for our attention, for many, hookups are on the rise. For others, like me, it's as if we've been given the keys to a stick-shift car, despite only knowing how to drive automatic.

We have so much power, right at our fingertips, yet many of us haven't a clue how to make to use of it without worsening already dreary circumstances.

There are weird, unwritten rules that act as a style guide of sorts for how to handle your social media dating game; here are five of them:

1. Swipe right until you get some love.

Uh, okay. I thought the point of Tinder was to “break the ice,” or more ironically, strike a match to light the fire.

It shouldn’t force us to throw ourselves willingly at every girl who took five seconds to make a Tinder profile. This practice screams desperate and only ever amounts to fleeting moments of joy gleaned from some girl finally swiping right on your profile.


2. Don't like her picture if you actually like her picture.

This is comparable to when a beautiful girl crosses your peripheral and apparently, the only way to have a chance at catching her interest is to broadcast disinterest on your part.

Playing it cool calls for tossing rationality out the window with reckless abandon. If I like a picture, wouldn’t the appropriate follow-up be to “like” the picture? Apparently not.


3. Facebook chat is only to be used for drunken chat.

Facebook chat is this strange carry-over from a late-night bar scene that’s overcrowded with rowdy Millennials only striking up conversation after imbibing some liquid courage.

It's as if starting that one conversation with that girl in whom you’re interested is only okay if you can fall back on, “Sorry! That was so random of me to start that conversation. I was acting a fool for a minute. The brews got the best of me.”


4. When to friend request…?

You were on top of your game, finally not tripping over yourself, and you practically danced with a girl. Danced, like moving in a rhythmic manner to the beat of a song without assuming your usual hands-in-pocket pose, danced.

At one point, you were so emboldened that you bought a beer for a girl you only kind of knew, and then, you even managed to catch her name. That name, so casually disclosed, set the stage for the drama of deciding when you'd request her as a friend. The next day, perhaps? Is that too eager?

Then, there's the growing concern that if you wait too long, she'll forget about you altogether. The verdict is still out on this one.


5. Ending a conversation

You did it. You managed to initiate and carry on an engaging conversation on Facebook with that girl in whom you're kind of madly interested. Then comes the time for the goodbyes. This is a weird one because you really have to time it right, but being awkward, you never do.

You just throw out a confident, “Alrighty, see ya tomorrow.” She'll respond kindly, but you’ll both still be “online” with active green messenger bubbles for another 30 minutes. This is like that moment when you say goodbye to someone only to continue walking in the same direction.

The awkward man already has it hard enough — walking between destinations, crossing your fingers that today will be the day you won’t trip over an uneven bump in the sidewalk, just as you walk by a group of formidably attractive girls.

Social media and all of its specialized, perpetually improving apps should be dissembling that awkward exterior we so often inhabit, but instead, it’s just a virtualized re-run of the same game.

Photo Courtesy: Tumblr

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Matt Staff

Contributor

Matt lives for the awkward moments, five star pad thai with a side of anything written by Ernest Hemmingway, taking too many selfies with his mother’s cat Leo and puppy Ellie whenever he visits home; and when he dies, he’s requested to be b ...
Matt lives for the awkward moments, five star pad thai with a side of anything written by Ernest Hemmingway, taking too many selfies with his mother’s cat Leo and puppy Ellie whenever he visits home; and when he dies, he’s requested to be b ...

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