You're Posting A Lot Of Song Lyrics And We're Worried About You...
Heyyyy buddy. How are you? We noticed those two lines from Dashboard Confessional and that Amy Winehouse one last week and we just wanted to see if you were okay…
Because you’ve been posting a lot of statuses lately, and we’re guessing “These Hoes Ain’t Loyal” isn’t about the lyrical integrity of Chris Brown, it’s about Amy.
And we know it’s been tough. Ever since you posted that Taylor Swift lyric ("Teardrops On My Guitar"... really?) we felt we had to do something. But also, it’s kind of making us want to unfriend you because you’re becoming that person.
You know that person. Remember Jennifer and her Kelly Clarkson statuses? Or when Tim took a quote from “Footloose.” Yeah, well, I hate to tell you this, but you’re becoming just like them.
And they all started the same way you did. Lovesick, depressed, hurt, pissed off. They just wanted one lyric, one quote, to convey how they felt about “someone like you.”
But then it got worse. Every time someone did them wrong, they took to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram.
Still, no matter how many Tim McGraw or Eminem lyrics they posted, that pain never went away. Their lyrics are sad, sad omens to their obsession and horrible taste in music.
Even though you think you’re being cute, witty or sly, you’re not. It’s just sad. So for now, let’s just go over a few of what you’ve posted and show you what we’re talking about.
"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one"
What you think you’re saying: I’m so busy I forgot to tell you that I'm completely over you. That's right, bitch, you're no longer a problem in my life.
What it looks like to everyone else: You’re clearly not over it.
"Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it"
What you think you’re saying: I’m fierce; I’m independent; I’m too good for you. I’m f*cking Beyoncé and you just lost me.
What it looks like to everyone else: You’re that crazy bitch who thinks she's Beyoncé.
"These hoes ain't loyal"
What you think you’re saying: You're the boss and you don't need no shady ass bitches.
What it looks like to everyone else: This kid listens to a lot of Chris Brown.
"Let's have a toast for the scumbags"
What you think you’re saying: People will do you wrong, but you must rise above. I’m liberated, free and I don’t give a f*ck what anyone thinks or does to me.
What it looks like to everyone else: You’re really not over that time we left you at Six Flags.
"Nothin but gin in my trippy cup, pouring more, I can't get enough"
What you think you're saying: My life is baller. I drink, I smoke, I listen to Wiz.
What it looks like to everyone else: You've officially ruined Wiz for me. Thanks assh*le.
"You must not know 'bout me"
What you think you're saying: I'm so damn hot and you f*cked up because there are about to be a ton of pictures of me and my new boyfriend blowing up your news feed.
What it looks like to everyone else: She should have never broken up with him... She's going to be single for a while.
"Wake me up when September ends"
What you think you're saying: I'm edgy.
What it looks like to everyone else: I swear to God, if I see one more person post this...
"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one"
What you think you're saying: I'm special, just like John Lennon.
What it looks like to everyone else: Looks like someone's just discovered marijuana.
“Cause now that I can see you, I don’t think you’re worth a second glance”
What you think you're saying: You are not the person I thought you were. You're an ugly, terrible person and I'm better off.
What it looks like to everyone else: Really, Dashboard Confessional? No wonder you're f*cking single.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return"
What you think you're saying: I understand life and love.
What it looks like to everyone else: Wow, did you really just discover "Moulin Rouge"!? Hey, you know what else you might like? "Clueless."
Any Drake lyric... ever
What you think you're saying: I'm sensitive.
What it looks like to everyone else: You're a pussy.
