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The Fetish You're Most Likely To Have, According To Your Zodiac Sign

In case you haven't heard yet, there's a social media platform for kinksters, that's like Facebook, but for people wanting to meet other like-minded individuals. It's called FetLife.

If you haven't checked it out, everyone on FetLife has a profile with an anonymous (or not) screen name and an identifying kink: like submissive, slave, dom, domme, daddy, master, switch, alpha, the list goes on and on.

This got me thinking, if every zodiac sign had a FetLife profile, what would their kink most likely be, based entirely on the characteristics of their sun sign? Read 'em and weep. And, as always, if you're curious, don't let any judgment or fear hold you back from being your true self.

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Aries: Dom/Domme

Aries are doms by nature. Doms, or “dominants” take the reigns, and they get off by watching a strong, confident person willingly submit to them; this person becomes their sub, or “submissive.” Aries love the chase though, so pairing up with someone who is more of a “brat” is a better choice.

Brats love to test how secure their doms are by “disobeying” their demands and then submitting to sexual punishment later.

Taurus: Master

Masters in the BDSM community are like doms on crack. They have a sub they call their “slave” and the agreement they enter into goes outside the bedroom.

A master and slave relationship is exactly what it sounds like; the slave often has one master, but the master can have many slaves, and he/she/they tells them all what to do.

Taurus is extremely possessive of their lovers, and terrible at avoiding temptation, so this is a perfect arrangement for them.

Gemini: Polyamory

Geminis love to have options. They need the freedom to make one choice and then another, and then another, and then another. They need to be able to make all the choices at once.

They're poly people! They need the freedom to explore with multiple partners, in different places, in different ways.

This way they never get bored, plus they have that beautiful air-sign ability to think through their jealousy before they act on it.

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Cancer: Sub

Cancers are submissive in a multitude of ways, but especially when it comes to sex. The qualities that make for someone who loves submission is to be a giving, generous person who feels their best when they're giving to others.

I might as well be describing Cancer's best characteristics.

Leo: Alpha

Leos shine in the spotlight, and they have an alpha personality. They'll play a submissive, for sure, but if someone isn't as dominant as Leo wants them to be, they'll switch to their natural emotional habitat and go full alpha on the poor sucker.

Leos are extremely picky about their partners as well, another alpha characteristic. They know what they want, and they go get it.

Virgo: Slave

In BDSM, “slave” refers to someone who engages in dom/sub role play and is consensually at the complete whim or their dom or “master.” Virgo is a natural at serving others, and they truly give everything to their partner. If they can't, they might even be willing to allow their partner to go find what they're looking for somewhere else.

This doesn't mean they won't be jealous, it just means they care THAT much about making their partner happy.

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Libra: Princess

A princess in BDSM means someone who loves to be pampered in a very vanilla way (vanilla being a term for more monogamous, traditional relationship dynamics). But princesses also have a tendency to be dominant personalities. They want to be the center of their partners world, and want to run their lives in the bedroom.

Libras, perhaps because of their concern with justice and equality out of the bedroom, tend to be completely the opposite when they're in it.

Scorpio: Primal

Primals love to let out their inner animal in the bedroom, and sex for them is about exposing their rawest most primal emotions during sex. Scorpios switch between the roles of predator and prey, because they get off on the power dynamics.

Obviously I have f*cked a lot of Scorpios.

Sagittarius: Swingers

While Geminis are also poly, they need to have someone to match up with. Sagittarius people don't see sexuality as a one-on-one thing.

Whatever the construction of their relationship is, they like to keep a variety of sexual partners (or even attend parties with their partners) because of their expansive sexual imaginations. Gemini is the perfect sign for them to hook up with.

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Capricorn: Sadist

Consent being a requirement for this, sadists enjoy inflicting certain types of pain on their partners. The reason I think Capricorns would be sadists is because of the disciplinarian roles they often play in life.

They're bound to societal rules and traditions outside the bedroom because of a desire to belong and to rise to the highest ranks in society, so playing with taboo fantasies just calls to them, however they end up acting these out.

Aquarius: Perverts

Aquarians are the most offbeat sign in the zodiac, and their oddball antics exist inside the bedroom too. They're like the original sexual deviants and enjoy things like voyeurism, sadomasochism, or wearing women's panties on their faces.

They're freaks on the street and freaks in the bed. At least they're consistent.

Pisces: Brat

Brats in the BDSM community are naughty submissive types. Typically, they pair up with dominants, and like to test the limits of their partner's dominance by “disobeying” them. Pisces are brats, because they can never decide on being just one way.

As the last sign in the zodiac, they're like an amalgamation of all the 11 signs before them. Although they prefer dominant partners for the most part, they also want to enjoy the freedom to do whatever they want.

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Rosebud Baker

Editor

Rosebud Baker is a standup comic and writer in NYC. Follow her on Twitter, where she desperately seeks the approval of strangers, but will settle for just attention.
Rosebud Baker is a standup comic and writer in NYC. Follow her on Twitter, where she desperately seeks the approval of strangers, but will settle for just attention.

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