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10 Gay Sex Questions You've Had But Have Been Too Afraid To Ask

Ever ask yourself how much lube is enough or what's the best sex position for anal?

Don't worry; we're all right there with you.

It doesn't matter if you're straight, gay, male or female, we've all wondered about the answers to our most burning gay sex questions (don't lie).

Sex between two men is a potpourri of options, explorations and experiences.

Some men love anal, some prefer oral, some prefer cuddling and most prefer it all.

Gay sex is hot (read: the hottest), but there are a ton of unanswered questions, misconceptions and stereotypes.

“My boyfriend and I want to try anal, but, like… how?,” my starry-eyed, totally clueless sister asked me earnestly over Thanksgiving dinner (boy, did my parents love that).

So, let's set the record straight. (Yay, sex positivity!)

You no longer need to fear.

Here are your most burning (for instance, does it burn?) gay sex questions answered.

1. Does bottoming hurt?

Let's not kid ourselves. At first, of course it will burn!

But that doesn't mean it always will (trust me, it gets better). It just takes practice.

At first it will hurt and it will burn, but not forever.

You've seriously gotta loosen yourself up. With anything, practice makes perfect.

The analogy for bottoming I like to use is piercing your ears. Once you've pierced them, you have to leave the earrings in so that your ears don't close up.

Similarly, with anal, you have to make sure you do it pretty regularly so that, yes, you don't close back up.

There will come a point when it doesn't hurt anymore. And then, it's just pure ecstasy.

In no time, you'll be a bottoming champ.


2. How much lube should I use?

This one depends.

If you or your partner are just starting to bottom you've got to use a lot. If you both have bottomed a lot, less lube will be required.

If you like things slick and slippery, use more lube. If you like the feeling of friction, less lube might be better for you.

Bottoming is hot. But, be careful, gents. Start slowly.

The best way to start bottoming is to use a lot of lube (read: a whole goddamn bottle, do not be cheap, buy the damn lube) and to ease your way onto your partner's dick.

Remember that scene in “Brokeback Mountain” when Heath Ledger manhandles Jake Gyllenhaal and tops the hell out of him and it goes smoothly and is so steamy and hot?

Yeah, that's not realistic.

That kind of rough, no-lube-kind-of bottoming your first time would tear you apart.

Jake would have had to be medevac'd from the side of the mountain.

Rom-com over.

General rule: Use more lube than you think you'll need.


3. Do you suggest barebacking or using protection?

It's all about being safe. If you aren't in a committed, monogamous relationship or you don't know your partner's results and status, then always be safe and use a condom.

No amount of pleasure is worth risking your health. Ever.

However, if you and your partner are both tested and you feel comfortable, barebacking can be an extremely pleasurable alternative to using condoms every time.

Plus, those condoms can get expensive!


4. What's the best position for anal?

This comes down to preference. When I was first trying bottoming, I preferred to be on top.

It felt more comfortable and the guy could slowly ease in and I could literally just lean back.

It can be maddeningly hot to get f*cked from behind. But missionary can be great too; you can look into your partner's eyes while you f*ck them or they f*ck you. That kind of intimacy and connection shouldn't be underestimated.

Whether it be missionary, doggie, cowgirl (a super heteronormative term, mind you), or another adventurous move, I suggest everyone continue to try new, exciting moves.

Don't get stuck in what's comfortable.


5. Is foreplay important?

Yes, yes and more yes.

In my mind, cuddling, kissing and head are arguably better than penetrative sex.


6. Do I ask if he's tested or is that a buzzkill?

Of course you should ask if he's tested. This is an absolute no-brainer.

Don't risk your health to avoid awkwardness; it's not worth it.

Getting tested is the sexiest thing you can do, especially together with your partner.

Have fun, but be safe.


7. What's your best oral advice?

If done properly, oral can be just as pleasurable for the receiving as the giving partner.

I used to hate giving oral (just ask the boyfriends I've had), but I learned to love it.

I enjoy the opportunity to be in control and to give my partner pleasure. You can get off yourself by giving your partner head, too. It's super gratifying. (Just hear them moan!)

Giving your partner head and then having them give you head can be a totally hot, mind-blowing experience that will result in major orgasms for both parties.

Oral can either be a precursor to anal or its own standalone sex.

My advice to people with gag reflexes like me is not to push yourself beyond your gagging point.

You can give your partner an amazing time by playing with the head of the penis and the top of the shaft with your tongue and mouth. Don't feel pressured to make yourself sick.

Oral can be customized to what you and your partner like.

At the end of the day, no one size fits all. We all feel pleasure from different things (but please try to be careful with those teeth).


8. Enema: fact or fiction?

I've never had an enema, but I know many gay men who do.

I've never had a problem with fecal matter or anything else of the kind, but some guys like to be safe and clean themselves out.

As long as you do it safely, enemas are a perfectly normal part of gay sex. Clean away!


9. Top, bottom, versatile: What's with that?

I think the top-bottom dichotomy is socially destructive for gay couples.

Sure many guys prefer to top and others prefer to bottom, but, for the most part, most gay couples do both.

It isn't like there's a guy and a girl.

When there isn't really a traditional top/bottom, this what is called being “versatile.”

I prefer to do both – you get to change things up and always keep it fresh and alive.


10. Rim jobs: yuck or yum?

For me? Yum. For others? Yuck.

I think a lot of guys are afraid to try it because they think it's gross. But, they don't know what they're missing. They feel f*cking awesome.

Don't knock it 'till you've tried it. Cause, as Mama always told me, one person's yuck is another person's yum.

Don't ever be afraid or ashamed about asking sex questions.

To keep things pleasurable and safe, we must ask these types of questions. It's a part of life!

I encourage everyone to live a little.

Explore new options and try things you might be afraid to.

Trust me. You might be surprised by what you like.

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Clyde Engle

Contributor

Clyde is a writer, actor, and aspiring talk-show host living in Brooklyn, NY. His interests include singing Broadway showtunes, the Chicago Cubs, and Hillary Clinton.
Clyde is a writer, actor, and aspiring talk-show host living in Brooklyn, NY. His interests include singing Broadway showtunes, the Chicago Cubs, and Hillary Clinton.

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