Things To Leave In 2012

Things To Leave In 2012
Wellness

With 2012 coming to an end (and not because of an apocalyptic disaster), it’s the perfect time to reflect on the past year and decide what is appropriate to bring into 2013- and what should remain a distant memory once the clock strikes midnight on December 31st.

 

1.) Swag/YOLO, etc.

The lexicon of 2012 will have our grandchildren scratching their heads in confusion. “Saying YOLO negated reckless behavior? Swag was a good thing?” Well…yes. We’re living in a generation of excuses.

Promiscuity and utter irresponsibility is excused by a four letter acronym from a Drake song and girls fiend over virtually brain dead broke ass males so long as their OBEY hat is tilted the right way and matches their Jordans. This is why we must seal this slang in 2012 and never exhume it again.

2.) Gun Violence

Sixteen US mass shootings occurred in 2012. Enough is enough. These gruesome acts of violence are causing this country and my faith in humanity to deteriorate. Fingers have been pointed and blame has been dispensed, but that isn’t resolving the issue at hand. 2013 needs to see peace- so leave the violence and hatred behind.

3.) Jersey Shore

Now that the MTV hit has come to an end, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that Guidos and Guidettes will no longer be glorified. I never truly understood how people could take them seriously.

Guidos, most likely shorter than I am even without my heels, make up for their lack of height by juicing up to the point where they have no neck and veins are popping out of the thick layer of leather they call skin.

Similarly, Guidettes must remove their bumpits, their oversize hoop earrings, and perhaps match the color of their face to the color of their actual skin. This race of fist pumping oompa loompas is one that I hope dies out in natural selection of 2013.

4.) 1 Direction

This British sensation sweeping the nation makes my skin crawl and not in a good way. Boy bands today can’t even come close to our generations poster hangings of N*Sync and Backstreet boys.

Don’t deny it, you know those songs were and still are catchy. Plus they knew how to perform and put on a show. 1 Direction features gangly metro’s hopping around stage clad in colored skinny jeans, blazers, and bad hair. Yes Harry Styles, I’m looking at you. 1 Direction should follow one direction: out of 2013.

5.) Instagram Models

My Instagram news feed is drowning in scantily clad females posing in front of the full length mirror hanging from their closet door. It seems as if the less clothes they wear, the more likes they gain. Because the amount of likes on a picture plays a crucial role in social standing these days.

Sometimes I wonder what their inner-commentary sounds like as they snap a photo. “I always lay in bed wearing Jordans,” or  “I’ll hold my phone strategically over my face so the focus is on my boobs.” I once saw a seductive mirror picture featuring the girl’s poor father sleeping in the background. This needs to be discontinued.

6.) 50 Shades of Grey

Pretty much an X rated version of Twilight. Despite its outrageous raunchy details, it’s full of repetitive adjectives, predictable plot twists, and is basically written at a 5th grade reading level. I couldn’t even make it through the first book.

Middle-aged women everywhere are trading their Anne Taylor Loft blouses and pencil skirts for leather jumpsuits and whips. It would be nice to see an actual work of literature hold such a strong influence rather than a poorly written sadistic fantasy. 50 Shades of Grey needs to go laters, baby.

7.) Gangnam Style 

The first video on YouTube to gain a billion hits was a short fat Asian man singing lyrics we can barely pronounce. It ranked #25 on Rolling Stone’s 50 best songs of the year. Really. It’s pretty safe to say that music definitely is not what is used to be. Although the dance can be fun when you’re inebriated and gallop around lassoing an imaginary rope, there comes a time in which this fad needs to fade. And that’s now.

8.) Tim Tebow- No explanation needed.

Amanda Lobo | Elite.

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Serge Efap

Meet Serge, the former fratstar turned self-proclaimed Renaissance Man. Hailing from New York City, he grew up quickly and learned that if you want something, you have to go get it for yourself. When he's not reminiscing about the glory days, you can find him searching for the next big thing.

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