Occupy Wall St: The Most Worthless Movement Of All Time

Preston Waters

“May Day” 2012 resulted in an enormous amount of Occupy Wall Street demonstrations around the country, and the end result was rather reminiscent of a Woodstock reunion. The managing staff at Elite feels they have taken enough of this nonsense and have decided to speak out on this matter:

Given that we are a New York based publication, May Day 2012 was particularly painful to endure, as we were forced to witness thousands of protesters crowding the streets dressed like hippies and causing more chaos than the Puerto Rican Day Parade. This was a sight that made us take pause, look over to one another and say, “What the hell has humanity come to?”

Don’t the imbecilic “99-percenters” have more important matters to attend to? Don’t they realize that this protest won’t make any headway? Don’t they realize that they are creating a huge increase in traffic and inconveniencing thousands? Don’t they realize that this isn’t a country in the Middle East where they can simply protest and have NATO take out their leader?

Clearly there is a huge misconception here, which has left us thinking “what the hell do these people actually want?” Not only has this taken over New York, but other cities all around the country have been suffering from this pariah of a movement as well. We have even seen photos of belligerent protestors breaking the glass of storefronts on popular avenues.

We have many problems with this movement, so many that we might even want to start our own movement to try to make this illegal. The movement will be called Occupy “Occupy Wall St”. If you’re going to protest, do it some place where the results will be less drastic than NYC.

Their demands are crazy

The first issue we see with this idiotic movement is their unrealistic demands. Just to list a few: Institute a universal single payer healthcare system, guaranteed living wage income regardless of employment, one trillion dollars in infrastructure, and outlaw all credit reporting agencies. And there are a few more that are equally as dumb and have an equally minuscule chance of occurring. They have a better chance of seeing a Tim Tebow sex tape before they see these demands happening.

If you are going to have demands, at least make them realistic. All of their demands are contradictory to the ideals of a capitalistic country. These people basically want handouts while they abuse their freedom of speech. All they are proving is that if you cry loudly enough about anything you will make national news. Simply because they are incapable of getting jobs and staying competitive in our world does not mean we should be subjected to their idiocy.

This country already does way too much for the lower classes, and it will be basically impossible to implement these suggested changes without becoming socialist. As the old saying goes, “never negotiate with terrorists”, and this country and its system will never negotiate with these protestors.

1% vs. 99%

These protestors scream that they are the face of the 99%, fighting for the 99% against the 1%. Last time I checked, 99% of the population didn’t look like botched up hippies with pickets. Most Americans are in suits and ties going to work everyday, being competitive and trying to make a living to support themselves and their family. The 1% is comprised of the extremely rich and talented, some of whom have worked their asses off to accomplish what they have.

It would appear that the lower middle class is simply jealous and are purporting their plight as representative of a large group of people. Last time I checked, there are many aspiring people in this country that are working their asses off to be in the highest tier of the society. The last thing they would be caught doing is standing outside on the street with picket signs as if it’s the 60’s. To stand there and yell that they represent the 99% is completely false because no one wants anything to do with them. They represent the 15%-20%, consisting of annoying activists who have nothing better to do but protest on a Monday.

Survival of the fittest

Darwin once stated that only the strong will survive. This law still holds true today and it is something clearly these protestors don’t comprehend. It’s almost as idiotic as standing outside and yelling for higher officials to change the fact that 1+1=2. Instead of wasting their time protesting they should be out there strategizing to become the strongest. In the early days of schooling, you’re always thought to do better, but these people are finding the need to encourage complaining instead of taking action.

The rich used to be poor

The people who are extremely successful in this world didn’t make it because they got hand me downs or got their crazy demands met. They didn’t protest to live a better life, they didn’t crowd a beautiful Madison Park on a gorgeous May day, and they damn sure didn’t spend their time sleeping in a dirty park where Wall Street employees discard their used condoms from the previous evening before walking into work.

What these people are doing is trying to discredit the hard work of many individuals who have risked it all to be where they are today.

No one cares and it’s a joke

This movement has become something that absolutely no one cares about. On May Day, we have seen many laughing at the fact that people are protesting. Others simply walk by minding their own business, truly unconcerned with the nonsensical actions of these puerile beings.

While many celebrities say they support this movement, keep in mind that it is likely his or her publicist that had a heavy hand in creating that wonderful public image of their client you’ve internalized. Celebrities don’t care about these protestors, I really do hate to break it to you.


The next issue, and this is one of the more major ones to us, is the traffic that these buffoons are causing. On May Day, residents of NYC’s Financial District endured a horrific amount of traffic of uninspired individuals. This city is already teeming with  pedestrians. We could certainly forgo the protestors. News flash: no one is going to support your nonsense movement if you piss them off by waiting in traffic.

Socialism and mediocrity

The last reason we find this movement idiotic is because they are encouraging a socialist country. Back in the JFK days, just uttering the word “socialism” made you a threat to the public and could get you arrested. Today, these idiots are encouraging it. They are simply encouraging mediocrity. If their demands were met, our citizens would be stuck with the bare minimum and without a social ladder to climb.

They are telling our youth that it is only fair if everyone is given the same-sized piece of the pie, which is complete horseshit. The person that has worked hardest for that piece of pie justly deserves the biggest slice because he built himself up to that point and earned it righteously. He had the courage to do so, whereas many of these people don’t.

If they took half of the energy they but in these bullshit protests and actually applied it to life, they would probably be highly successful because of their passion. But they won’t apply it towards life because they are cowards and expect everything to be spoon feed to them. Even if society did buy into this shit, the only thing protestors are actually proving is that humanity is regressing.

They are complaining about a dearth of job opportunities. Well, how about this for a change: Work hard to become the best at something and then maybe you’ll get hired. If these people aren’t happy with this country, they should move to a different one that already embraces their philosophies instead of trying to destroy this nation’s foundation, as we certainly are not welcoming of their presence. And we will fight for the right to be Elite with as much vigor as they fight for the right to be unhygienic, naive pedestrians.


Preston Waters


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