Kim Kardashian's wedding left us feeling a lot like Rob Kardashian at Krispy Kreme: We know it’s something we should stay away from, but we can't help ourselves.
I, myself, tried to protest the wedding. Amid tweets, Instagram uploads and Huffington Post news alerts, I held strong against that pulsing urge to see what her dress looked like and if Kanye himself would wear white.
But why? Where did this urge come from? Why does a rational, intelligent person (if I may say so about myself) have to fight so hard against the urge to indulge in celebrity gossip, and of all celebrities, the worst ones? Is it because they are rich? Good-looking? Popular? Or is it something else?
I think for many of us bitter and scorned single women who have a hard time getting one man to marry us, we see Kim as simultaneously the antithesis and embodiment of everything we want, had and lost.
She's the girl who started from the bottom (as Paris Hilton's closet organizer) and rose to Internet fame with a sex tape that put her former employer to shame. She’s had an embarrassing marriage that lasted 72 days and syndicated footage of her throwing tantrums and fits, yet she still managed to snag one of the most respected (if laughable) hip-hop artists of our generation.
It's the modern day Cinderella story and we wanted to follow it all the way through. But sadly, it doesn’t end there.
America will follow her on her honeymoon, her days of after-wedding bliss and anytime she steps foot on concrete or cobblestone. And that's where I am lost.
Amid the Cinderella story is a deeper horror story, one of lost American values and disgusting displays of greed and misplaced morals. But what can we do, how can we stop something we can't even understand?
To even begin to understand the Kim Kardashian complex, we must dig deep into our own psyches and start there.
Why does Kim intrigue us so goddamn much? What is it about her and her family that makes us pick up any tabloid with their names splashed across it? Why do we care so much about a bunch of Botox-ed, privileged kids with nothing but a talent for spotting rich men?
Here's why we care. Because somewhere along the way, they, like the popular kids in your high school, managed to snag a spot in the limelight. Whether their mother sold four of her daughters’ souls to the devil or Bruce Jenner offered his face for all the fortunes in the world, they managed to snag a spot in the Hollywood glitterati.
They have no skills or real talent outside of putting on a pretty good reality show and for that they get private jets, million dollar weddings and a plethora of Mercedes. They have everything we pretend not to want and they didn't have to do anything to get there.
If we're being really honest with ourselves here, we need to admit that we're jealous. That's right, we're jealous because they are rich, popular and, despite all the Botox, hot. And just like with the cool kids in high school, we liked to know what they are doing, whom they’ve hooked up with and any gossip that would bring them down and make us feel better about ourselves.
Because we're not watching to see them happy, skipping around their piles of money and cars. We're watching to see them cry, to catch an angle where Kim looks fat or Kourtney without makeup. We want to see them fall from grace, watching the wedding, hoping Kim will trip or Bruce's face will finally melt.
We watch because maybe Kendall and Kylie will get into a fight or Kanye might decide to divorce her before the honeymoon. We are watching to see them fall, but unfortunately, our actions are only creating the opposite effect.
Though the Kardashians would argue their reality show is heads above “The Real Housewives” and “Bad Girls Club,” they are all the same at their core. It's people with no real talent getting paid to be idiots, and you're the one paying them.
You're paying them because you think that money isn't worth the same as dignity and you don't mind paying to watch other people lose theirs. You would rather keep your dignity and be poor than lose it all and be rich. And that's admirable.
But the Kardashians are another case because not everyone thinks they’re idiots, and the more power we give them, the less idiotic they become. Because their show may be crap, but they are the ones feeding it to you. In our desire to watch them fall, we've made them rise and that's where it needs to end.
By giving the Kardashians power, we've elevated the status of idiot bimbo to a powerful one. We've brought people like Snooki and Pauly D to fame and fortune. We've handed them power, success and the undeserved notion that they are better than we are.
We've given them rights we don't even have and the idea that their opinion and presence is more important than the average citizen. We've let them think they are on the same level as people like Anna Wintour and Bono. By making fun of them, we've inadvertently given them power they don't deserve and this needs to stop.
Of course, I know getting the average American citizen to stop picking up tabloids and to turn off E! is about as hard as getting them to stop eating McDonald’s; so for now I am just asking you to think about what you’re doing.
Think about why you're giving them so much power and if you really want people like Kim Kardashian and Tila Tequila laughing at you all the way to the bank.
Photo Credit: WENN
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