21 Very Real Thoughts Everyone Has Had While Shopping At Trader Joe's
Ah, Trader Joe's.
It's the home of the most delicious frozen meals of all time. It has pumpkin spice everything. Its prepared chicken is literally the best thing ever. And if you're trying to be healthy, you can buy multiple packages of pre-washed anything.
And did we mention it's really f*cking cheap?
Unfortunately, Trader Joe's can be a lot like a toxic relationship sometimes. We're madly in love with it, but it drives us completely nuts with its super long lines and packed aisles. Plus, have you ever noticed how quickly TJ's food flies off the shelves?
So we break up with it and shop at Whole Foods for two weeks before desperately crawling back.
But that doesn't stop us from having some super aggressive thoughts while we're in there.
If you've ever shopped at Trader Joe's, we're going to guess you relate to most of these.
1. The line isn't the only thing that “Starts Here,” sign guy. So does my anxiety.
2. I don't have service. Is it because there are so many people in here, everyone's phone has stopped working? If it takes one more second for my Instagram feed to load I will actually lose my mind.
3. Oh my God. It's SO PACKED they can't even let anyone new in to shop. I'm dead inside.
4. If I have to hold this basket for one more minute I'm going to pass out. At least I'm getting an arm workout in. Wait… does this mean I can buy those cookies?
5. Should I go basket or cart? Annoy everyone in every aisle with a cart or give myself a harder bicep workout than I just did at the gym by carrying all my things in a basket?
6. I need to take deep yoga breaths so I don't beat the old lady who keeps ramming me with her cart.
7. Wow, this organic tea has a lot of sugar. Whatever, it says organic on the bottle so it must be good for me.
8. Is this too much chicken?
9. SH*T. I forgot garlic. I can't get off this line. Should I ask the woman behind me to watch my spot? *Glances back* Oh no… definitely not. Did you see that look she just gave me? She hates me. Why does everyone hate me?!
10. Should I shop then get on line or shop WHILE I'm on line?
11. Are we all collectively aware we're too snobby for a regular grocery store but too cheap for Whole Foods?
12. If I don't figure out my entire life plan by the time I get to the end of this check-out line I'm a failure.
13. Look how her boyfriend waits in line while she picks out vegetables. That's real teamwork. Why won't anyone patiently hold my avocados like that? I can't even get a text back. OMG, I'm going to die alone.
14. Why do they always tempt me with cookies at the end of the line? They know I can't help myself.
15. Will the free sample guy remember me if I put my hood up and come around for a second go?
16. Am I supposed to say “yes” to paper or plastic? What's the right answer?
17. Why are the kale chips so expensive? I feel like I can make these myself for half the price. *Pulls out phone and watches how to make kale chips on Youtube* OK, I'll just buy these chips.
18. Wow, I've never seen a Trader Joe's employee have a bad day.
19. Is that hot girl looking at me or is she just bored?
20. Will I die here?
21. “F*ck it, I'm ordering Seamless.”
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