This is How We Do It: Song Lyrics With Great Sex Advice

Jessica Greenfeld

Whether you’re a seasoned veteran hoping to try out some new material, or an eager rookie testing uncharted waters, let these song lyrics be your sexual spirit guides.

“Power down your inhibitions, power up your inner freak” – ‘Sex Room,’ Ludacris

You don’t need to go all “50 Shades of Grey” on me here (unless you’re into that kinda thing — then by all means, go ahead, “sub” away). Whips, chains, handcuffs, pretty much anything Rihanna enjoys, are up to the user’s discretion. Regardless, the key to awesome, mind-blowing sex is letting go of your hang-ups and allowing yourself to be in the moment.

No revolutionary discoveries here. Naked is sexy — so stop thinking about how your body looks from every which angle. I promise she’s not judging your dick size and he’s not judging your bra size.  Well, maybe a little… but once the clothes are off, chances are you’re gonna do it anyways, so make it count.

“Talk dirty when you talk” – ‘Dirty Talk,’ Wynter Gordon

Talking during sex is by all means a personal preference. Some people dig sweet, sensual music; some like dirty beats; some are perfectly content with good old-fashioned moaning. I don’t know anyone who’s into silence — but there could be a few of you out there, so to each his own. Although, I would strongly advise reconsidering your sex life.

For those of you who are into a little dialogue: get nasty with it.  You can discuss your douche-y boss, your psycho roommate, or what happened on “Breaking Bad” another time. Unless there’s a fire in the room and you need to alert your partner, if you’re going to speak, it better be hot. Need tips on what to say? Watch porn. But the simple formula of “oh yeah/yes/ (moan), I like/love it when you put your _____ in/on/around my _____” also gets the job done.

“Conventional methods of making love kinda bore me”- ‘Doin’ It,’ LL Cool J

Listen: there’s nothing wrong with a little evening romp in the bed, a sudsy quickie in the shower, or even an innocent rendezvous in the kitchen that turns X-Rated. All I’m saying is you never want the craziest place you’ve had sex to be at “the foot of the bed” a la Rachel Green.

But, if you’re getting down with the same chick or dude every night, trying out a “69” in the nose-bleed bleachers of a Jay-Z concert, or getting frisky on the highway during a little road trip, could be an interesting way to switch things up.  If the cops are ready to bust you for public indecency, you’re on the right track

“You follow Instructions, then I follow Instructions”- ‘Right There,’ 50 Cent & Nicole Sherzinger

Sex is undoubtedly one of the best things we can do as humans. It’s fun, feels awesome and if you’re in a relationship, can bring you closer to the person.  But it can also be one of the most awkward experiences. There are limbs everywhere, heavy breathing, lots of noises, you’re probably sweating, he’s thrusting, she’s not feeling it; she’s grinding, he’s not feeling it; does she like it when I do this; is he turned on by that — it can all just be a big mess. Simple fix: tell the person what you want. If you’re really into doggy style, then that’s how you should be doing it.

If you like something that doesn’t interest your partner, compromise. You do this for her; she’ll do this for you. Of course, everyone has a line. If there’s something you’re not comfortable doing, then it’s your prerogative to respectfully decline. However, if the thing you’re against is anything oral sex related — get over it. Immediately.

“Meet him at the door with nothing on”- ‘Dip it Low,’ Christina Milian

My fellow sex goddesses, this one is for you. Take a cue from Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman.” Sure she was a hooker, but you can’t deny she had some pretty sick, albeit overtly slutty moves.

Go back to that scene where she greets Richard Gere at the door in nothing but a tie, clearly girl knows how to strut her stuff. I’m partial to throwing some sky-high heels into the mix, but dress it up (or down, as the case may be) however you’d like.  Set the mood and put on some music, light a couple candles, draw a relaxing bath and enjoy. Convinced this is a whole lotta work? Think of the confidence boost you’ll get when your man walks through the door and his eyes pop outta their sockets.

“They want it nice and slow, kiss ‘em from head to toe” OR “They want it now and fast, grabbin’ and smackin’ ass”- ‘Splash Waterfalls,’ Ludacris

All right boys, now here’s your personal shout out. If you’ve been in the game for a while — there are a few things you should’ve picked up about girls by now. We are impossible to understand. We’ll say we want you, but then we’ll tease you. We’ll say to text us, but then we won’t respond. We change our minds and you just gotta roll with it. Same goes for sex.

Sometimes we want it passionate. Give it to us slow, intimate, eyes locked, hands intertwined. But most times, don’t. Most times we want it fast and raunchy, slam our heads against a headboard, make us scream your name and run our nails down your back. And if you can figure out which scenario we want when we want it, oh baby then you’re way ahead of the game.

“Safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex, cuz you don’t want that late text, that ‘I think I’m late’ text”- ‘Lollipop Remix,’ Lil Wayne and Kanye West

Sooo wrap it up. The simplest, but easily the most important tip on here. There’s no reason that your Friday night “wham-bam-thank you-ma’am” should result in anything more than two orgasms and a potential hangover. If you’re going to have sex, be responsible about it. It’s not all on the men either. Ladies, if you like to bring guys home and make a night of it — rock on sistas, but be prepared. Do as Weezy says, not as Weezy does.

Jessica Greenfeld


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