Cops Mistake Doughnut Glaze For Crystal Meth And Jail Man For Eating Dessert

Never Dunkin' and drive.

Ugh, I'm sorry, that was a humiliatingly corny way to start this article.

Let me try again: Never drive… glazed.

*Throws up on self because of joke-shame gag reflex.*

OK, fuck having a fun, quippy first line, let's just get to it.

A Florida man (obviously) was thrown in jail for 10 hours because police mistakenly identified doughnut glaze as crystal meth.

Yes, Daniel Rushing was arrested for eating a doughnut.

Rushing was pulled over for speeding before Cpl. Shelby Riggs-Hopkin noticed the glaze on the floor of his car. She immediately "knew" it was crystal meth.

As he explained to the Orlando Sentinel,

I kept telling them, 'That's glaze from a doughnut.'

The simplicity of this claim and the cops' inability to adhere to it are just so absurd, it is impossible not to laugh at.

You'd think police officers would be able to tell the difference between an illegal substance that gets you really high and a legal substance that just makes your mouth "feel pretty good."

The police actually tried to say it was crack cocaine at first, but then they said,

No, it's meth, crystal meth.

The fact that they deliberated this -- and then came to a conclusion about it -- is shockingly funny to me.

The thing is, a roadside drug test kit showed the glaze had methamphetamine in it. Twice.

Further testing of the glaze at a lab, which didn't clearly suck, showed this was the opposite of true.

The problem is if this drug test could give a false-positive on, literally, a doughnut, then how many more of these tests are tainted that were not re-tested in a lab?

The company that produces the roadside drug-testing kit is called Safariland.

All charges were, of course, dropped, and Rushing is now suing for $15,000.

Citations: Huffington Post