The Craziest Barack Obama Conspiracy Theories

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People have a lot to say about Barack Obama. Most of which is not even true! The first African-American President of the United States has been the subject of some totally demented conspiracy theories since being elected.

If you haven’t been keeping up on the world of right-wing nutcases, here’s a quick rundown on eleven of the most absurd things that Barack Obama has been accused of. If even one of these things was true, it’d be political suicide.

11.Kal Penn, Gay Lover

Many Hollywood celebrities lent their voice to Barack Obama’s campaign in 2008, but one star took it a little further. Harold & Kumar star Kal Penn worked on Obama’s National Arts Policy committee. When Obama won the Presidency, he offered Penn a post as Associate Director of the White House Office of Public Engagement, which he accepted. What’s weird about that? Well, some crazy-ass conspiracy nuts allege that Obama is a closeted gay who frequents bathhouses in Chicago and Penn is his gay lover. Okay!

10. Malcolm X Is The Father

If there’s one thing that white people are afraid of, it’s angry black people. And even though Obama isn’t so angry himself, conspiracy nuts are trying to tie him into one of history’s most notorious activists, civil rights agitator Malcolm X. There’s a subset of nuts who believe that Obama’s mother Ann Dunham had a booty call with Malcolm X as part of a massive conspiracy, and Barack Obama Sr. was paid off to claim parentage. This was a long con plot to install a sleeper agent into the highest ranks of American government. Or so they say.

9. Massive Muslim Immigration

One of the most enduring claims that the far right makes against Barack Obama is that he’s a secret Muslim. Why exactly this would be a bad thing is still up for discussion, but it freaks people out. The craziest outgrowth of this belief is the conspiracy theory that Barack Obama is laying plans to order an amnesty for current illegal immigrants as a backdoor way to enable hundreds of thousands of Middle Eastern Muslims to come to America, become citizens, and vote in Sharia law.

8. Teleported To Mars

One of the craziest Barack Obama conspiracy theories I have ever heard comes courtesy of two men, William Stillings and Andrew J. Basiago. These two oddballs claim that they were part of secret experiments with DARPA in 1980. Who else was part of these experiments? Young Barry Soetoro, aka Barack Obama. As one of ten students selected to participate in the program, Obama was teleported to and from Mars through a device known as a “jump room.” What he was doing on Mars is a mystery, but it was probably pretty evil.

7. Satanist President

Barack Obama’s allegiances have been called into question on a number of fronts. Some think he’s working for the Muslims. Some think he’s working for the Socialists. And then there’s the people who think he’s working for Satan. You heard me – a vocal group of anti-Obama maniacs are convinced that the President’s actions are actually part of a massive Luciferian ritual. Everything from Michelle Obama holding her hand like the devil horns on a Vogue magazine cover to subliminal backwards messages in his speeches that say “Serve Satan” is on the table.

6. Hugo Chavez Is The Mastermind

During the 2008 campaign, many paranoid theories were floated on who the power behind the Obama campaign was. Most of the attention went to financier George Soros, but a vocal splinter group held that the real cash flow came from something much more sinister: Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. Chavez is basically the boogeyman for America’s anti-Socialist forces, so the thought that Obama was a puppet for his interests terrified Tea Partiers. Sure, Obama has spoken publicly multiple times in condemnation of the Chavez regime, but that’s just a smokescreen.

5. Andrew Breitbart Murderer

The death of media gadfly (and shameful-ass racist) Andrew Breitbart has given Obama conspiracy theorists a whole new bone to chew on. A few days before he died, Breitbart appeared at a conference promising to drop a huge bombshell on the Obama administration. To Internet detectives, this constitutes a motive. Of course, after his death the “bombshell” was released – more footage of Barack in college hanging out with random B-list anti-establishment types – and nobody cared.

4. Reptilian

This isn’t an Obama-specific conspiracy theory, as David Icke and his group of nutballs have been levying it at just about every world leader for the past century, but it’s crazy enough that it needs to be shared. A secret race of human-reptile hybrids have been ruling the Earth for generations, and if you run pictures through a bunch of Photoshop filters, you can prove it for yourself. Because Obama is already of mixed race, it’s easier for them to hide his reptile hybrid nature. How do they back this up? Well, Obama holds his head in a funny way… like a lizard. I’m not even kidding.

3. Antichrist

It’s one thing to serve Satan, as a previous conspiracy on this list alleged, and it’s another to actually be him. A certain splinter group of Tea Party diehards, including bonkers SNL alum Victoria Jackson, actually believe that Barack Obama is the Antichrist, as prophesied in the Book of Revelations. Of course, the evidence on the ground for this assertion is pretty thin, but that doesn’t stop proponents from holding forth on the upcoming End Times.

2. Re-education Camps

This particular conspiracy theory was floated by no less august a personage than Michelle Bachmann, so you know it has to be good. Apparently Barack Obama is working with FEMA to establish a number of camps across the Untied States. These camps are officially for housing refugees from natural disasters, but they have a horrifying hidden purpose. Obama is actually going to use them as Communist-style “re-education camps,” where children will be forcibly sent to learn his wealth-distributing, freedom-hating philosophy.

1. Bin Laden Is Not Dead

One of Barack Obama’s biggest triumphs as President was the covert raid on Pakistan to capture terrorist leader Osama Bin Laden dead or alive. After a decade of war, being able to close the book on the man who orchestrated the 9-11 attacks felt damn good. But, of course, nothing is ever as simple as it seems in conspiracy world. There’s a group who believes that the Al Qaeda leader is alive and well in a U.S. government-sponsored safe house somewhere, just chilling out. Sightings in Kalamazoo, Michigan inflamed the theory even further.

Top Photo Credit: Getty Images

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