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Stephen Bannon May Be A Disaster In The White House, According To Astrology

I feel like the world is burning, and I'm overcome with horrible anxiety that has driven me to take up emotional eating for the first time in years.

For the last three weeks, the only thing I've talked about in my therapy sessions is politics, and I've even consulted a few tarot readers.

I'm looking everywhere for answers to where we are headed as a nation, and Facebook and Twitter are both inundated with people like myself having massive, full-blown meltdowns over the political future of our nation.

All of this anxiety culminated when Stephen Bannon, who was the executive chair of the alt-right website Breitbart News, was announced as Trump's newest member of the National Security Council.

His role in the administration is — at the very least — putting me on edge.

And to be honest, at this point, I'm neither liberal nor conservative.

I've politically gone rogue because there's way too much finger-pointing on both sides of the isle for me to feel comfortable.

All I know is, what's happening in the White House terrifies me.

In one more attempt to decipher whether or not our democracy as we know it is over, I found a rundown of the zodiac charts of Trump's Cabinet members on astrologer Marjorie Orr's website.

Even as a student of astrology for the last 15 years, this stuff was hard to understand.

So, I've only shared the parts that leave out astro-lingo, which would just confuse us all.

Here's what Marjorie had to say about the next four years with Bannon in the White House, according to the stars:

[He's a] mile-a-minute talker who thrums with energy […] a Sun Sagittarius […] keen on publicity-generating businesses, pro-active, controlling, flamboyant. His Pluto is square Venus (Mercury) in Scorpio so he can turn on the charm when needed. His Uranus in Cancer opposes his North Node […] [giving] him a vision he's fanatical about as well as huge amounts of energy and aggression. Not for the fainthearted. It does suggest Trump intends to ‘double down on the unabashed and unpolished populism' of his early campaign.

Oh, good.

So, we can expect more of the same from these two, in case you hadn't had enough emotional whiplash during the last few weeks.

But wait! Put down that shovel you're digging your own grave with.

Orr says there actually might be a little trouble in Trump and Bannon's bromance paradise:

On the downside, Bannon's Uranus is conjunct Trump's Saturn Venus, which hints at differing objectives with tension resulting. Worse, Bannon's powerfully aspected Pluto is conjunct Trump's Mars and Ascendant, so Bannon will put his forceful personality behind dominating Trump, which isn't likely to go down well.

A power struggle for the upper hand between the two most power-hungry men on the planet?

Why, that's absolutely scandalous!

This Donald Trump Impersonator Trolled Campaign Headquarters

And Trump isn't the only one with whom astrology dictates Bannon will lock horns.

Apparently, there are some rough edges between him and Kellyanne Conway as well:

Bannon's relationship with […] Kellyanne Conway has the same mix of friendly and not-so-friendly crossovers with a composite Sun Venus; but also an irritable, argumentative Saturn square Mars.

So, they may be showing a united front to those who disagree with them politically, but it seems the dynamics between the major players around Trump may not be so simpatico after all.

At least this makes me feel a little bit better, even if it's all magic and witchcraft.

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Rosebud Baker

Editor

Rosebud Baker is a standup comic and writer in NYC. Follow her on Twitter, where she desperately seeks the approval of strangers, but will settle for just attention.
Rosebud Baker is a standup comic and writer in NYC. Follow her on Twitter, where she desperately seeks the approval of strangers, but will settle for just attention.

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