Edward Snowden’s Internet History Shows He Loves A Krispy Kreme Donut After Sex Marathons

Edward Snowden’s Internet History Shows He Loves A Krispy Kreme Donut After Sex Marathons
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The teenage years of NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden have been revealed to be filled with sex marathons, post-intercourse Krispy Kremes and employers fighting over him according to posts he made on popular technology site ArsTechnica.

Buzzfeed reports that Snowden, who is currently hiding in Hong Kong, posted on the site 753 times in the last ten years under the user name TheTrueHOOHA.

In the site’s forums, he gave users advice on how to get jobs within the IT industry in addition to providing details about his sex life.

One post discusses how his ex-girlfriend would “kind of sadly paw at my man-totem like a cat after it has killed the prey.”

“There have been times when I’ve had sex marathons from sundown til sunrise,” Snowden wrote. He also joked that he once had sex on the playground of an elementary school.

Other posts feature his love of enjoying Krispy Kreme donuts after sex.

“Go to your nearest Krispy Kreme Drive-thru,” he wrote. “Pick up one of the warm ‘fresh of the line’ ones and go put them on your nightstand. You have not lived until you’ve rolled over to post-coital Krispy Kremes. That’s what being an American is all about. I recommend them. “

But the posts take a very serious turn when Snowden speaks his mind on “pervasive government secrecy.”

“It really concerns me how little this sort of corporate behavior bothers those outside of technology circles,” he said. “Society really seems to have developed an unquestioning obedience towards spooky types.”

When one user made a post about his Xbox still making noises even after it was turned off, Snowden responded with “NSA’s new surveillance program. That’s the sound of freedom, citizen!”

Speaking of his own job opportunities, Snowden proudly boasts of being in demand even though he has no qualifications.

“I don’t have a degree of ANY type” he wrote in 2006. “In fact, I don’t even have a high school diploma. That said, I have $0 in debt from student loans, I make $70k, I just had to turn down offers for $83k and $180k (they’re going in a different directions than where I’m heading), and my co-workers have BSs, MSs, and ten to fifteen years of experience. Employers fight over me. And I’m 22. That’s networking.”

A 2002 profile he posted on the defunct anime site Ryuhana Press reveals Snowden’s love of classic video game Tekken, his obsession with anime, and quips about attracting women with his “girlish figure.”

Ryuhana Press was set up by a few of Snowden’s personal friends as a method of selling Japanese anime and artwork. He worked for the website as its web editor.

His profile on the site lists him as a 37-year-old with two preteen children who like purple sunglasses and the Baltimore Orioles.

Photographs uploaded by Snowden’s friends for his 19th birthday show a young Edward pulling down his pants, putting a clothespin on his chest and dancing and posing like a homoerotic model.

Snowden was apparently so good at Tekken that he attracted a gathering of admirers at the 2002 Anime USA convention.

“He tends to spontaneously be a ray of sunshine and inspiration. He’s a great listener, and he’s eager to help people improve themselves,” one co-worker said.

Via Buzzfeed, Photo via Daily Mail 

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Sean Levinson

Sean Levinson loves writing almost as much as he loves ranting about politics. Elite Daily lets him do both, and he couldn't be happier now that he's finally putting his years at SUNY New Paltz to good use. When he's not writing, Sean enjoys nature excursions, playing the guitar and the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Look for him on "Real Time with Bill Maher," where he regularly appears in his most precious fantasies.

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