Kim Jong Un Doesn’t Know What To Do As North Korea Is Running Out Of Virgins

Kim Jong Un Doesn’t Know What To Do As North Korea Is Running Out Of Virgins
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Kim Jong-un’s inability to grow his country’s economy is now interfering with his love of virgins. According to the Telegraph, the Kim family has long been pleasured and entertained by dance troupes comprised entirely of virgins, but due to KJU’s crippling economic policies and World War II-esque censorship, more and more young North Korean girls are losing their innocence earlier on.

The Chosun Ilbo reports that “dire economic straits compounded by a weakening regime have led to an increase in prostitution, drug abuse and human trafficking in North Korea.”

So not only are these teenage women engaging in risky behavior to rebel against their leader’s oppressive rules, but they are also prompted to sell their bodies out of necessity.

Kim Jong-un recently organized a mass physical examination for the 16-year-old women recently drafted into the army and found that more than 60% of them had already “had sexual experiences.”

An anonymous North Korean defector told the Chosun Ilbo that KJU is now having a significantly hard time finding virgins for his orgies/dance troupes.

And if a decrease in entertainment staff weren’t bad enough, it also seems that North Korea’s athletic community has turned to drugs to escape the misery that is living in North Korea. The defector added that “more than 30 percent of athletes tested positive for drug use in a doping test for a sporting event in 2012 to mark late leader Kim Jong-il’s birthday on Feb. 16.”

Lil’ Kim wasn’t too upset with the loss of clean athletes and virgins because his country’s failing economy would soon be rescued by his plan to build a luxury ski resort.

Too bad that fell through, too.

Switzerland refused to sell Kim the $7 million+ in ski lifts and cable cars he requested, citing heavy rain and and landslides in the proposed area and the idea that a huge ski resort isn’t the best thing for an impoverished nation as reasons for the rejection.

According to the Shanghaiist, Kim contacted the Swiss government to get them to explain themselves and the reply was an insult simply intended to get North Korea to stop asking them for stuff.

Switzerland’s state secretariat for economic affairs called the plan a “prestigious propaganda project for the regime.” The Swiss took Kim’s request as an opportunity to make sure North Korea knows that Switzerland is not its friend. Switzerland not only severed the deal, but also increased its list of sanctions shortly after as well.

Swiss companies are now prohibited from selling North Korea any golf, horseback-riding or billiards equipment, in addition to perfume.

We really hope these inconveniences don’t cause Kim to throw a fit and threaten to blow up the world again.

Via: The Telegraph, Photo Courtesy: WENN

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Sean Levinson

Sean Levinson loves writing almost as much as he loves ranting about politics. Elite Daily lets him do both, and he couldn't be happier now that he's finally putting his years at SUNY New Paltz to good use. When he's not writing, Sean enjoys nature excursions, playing the guitar and the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Look for him on "Real Time with Bill Maher," where he regularly appears in his most precious fantasies.

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