Our modern society is heavily embedded in drinking culture. Let’s face it, we LOVE to drink. Liquor consumption is at its highest point ever with alcohol companies reporting unprecedented record breaking sales. One might argue that there is a correlation between the current recession and our skyrocketing rates of alcohol consumption. On a less serious note, It also could be that women have become smarter towards men’s antics and it now takes twice the liquor to give into a one night stand.

We have put together the 9 warning signs that show you may be a alcoholic. We do not wish to judge, as we consume libations as well, but no one likes a perpetual drunk. If these signs are an accurate description of you, make the necessary changes now before your casual consumption turns into addiction.

9. Binge Drinking

This type of drinking is defined as consuming five or more alcoholic drinks in a row. Naturally, this describes the vast majority of American college students–making a significant portion of this group technically alcoholics. The proper way to binge drink without showing traits of alcoholism is to have your drink straight from the bottle so no one can keep track how many drinks you’ve had. Some might say that this solution is irresponsible, but we say that this is merely the refined drinker being a problem solver and really, isn’t that what a healthy, happy society is all about?

8. Needing to drink more because of a higher tolerance

During the initial stages of drinking it is extremely easy to get drunk; 1 or 2 drinks may put you down. After becoming a seasoned drinker and growing your tolerance you will need to drink a bit more to get properly intoxicated. You’ll soon find yourself in a place where even heavily imbibing libations has little effect anymore. This is where it gets dangerous because you keep imbibe further to catch that buzz you love but your tolerance has become too high. This results in terrible hangovers.

7. Drinking alone

Obviously drinking should be done socially and in the company of others. There have been many cases of people drinking alone which is unfortunately extremely depressing to some people. We beg to differ; there shouldn’t be anything wrong with anyone drinking alone. Sometimes people who need their alone time prefer to have a quick drink and be in solitude with their thoughts. Society nonetheless frowns upon drinking outside of social settings. However, we do agree with the sentiment that if you’re getting hammered alone you might have a problem.

6. Withdrawal symptoms

If you find yourself waking up in the morning and yearning for an alcoholic beverage then this one is for you. This is a clear sign of a serious problem. The obvious solution we’d pose is to just never quit drinking, but this is impractical for a number of reasons we’re sure you can discern for yourself.

5. Blacking out

If one finds themselves waking up in a strangers apartment with no recollection of the events of previous evening with relative consistency then there is clear alcoholism at hand. The other option is this individual is a complete imbecile and easy to convince to return to a strangers home. The chances of condom use are minuscule, oftentimes having morbid results. No one likes blacking out; it’s detrimental to all parties involved.

4. Making a ritual out of drinking

This means doing things like drinking at a specific hour each day because you’ve “earned it” or because you have had a “tough day.” One particularly sad case we know of even goes as far as having a really good day just to celebrate with their favorite tequila brand.

3. Hiding Alcohol

If one keeps a flask stashed in a hollowed out book or keeps a fifth of Jack Daniels hidden in a glass case underneath the desk at work in case of emergencies, this one is for them. The solution here is pretty simple; just drink openly. Sure, society will judge heavily and frown upon your drinking habits, but at least you won’t confirm your addiction with liquor stashes.

2. Develop relationship problems as a result of drinking

You might think drinking is fun and a lot less dangerous than a drug habit, but if you start noticing your relationships are being affected by your alcoholism then its time to accept that you have a problem. It’s important to keep things in perspective here and realize that alcohol is a drug–notably, one of the most dangerous and addictive drugs. Unfortunately, it’s also widely available. If you do determine that your drinking is destroying your relationships, the obvious optimal solution is to just get new friends who aren’t so uptight and like drinking just as much as you do.

1. Drinking Before Noon

Come on, this one’s simple. If you find yourself in need of a drink and the clock says 9:30 AM, just change the clock so it says 6:30 PM and then shut your blinds so you can’t see the time of day. Are we the only one who understands these things? it may be so, and that’s why we have to be the one to write this. You’re welcome. Now who wants a drink?

Elite.