Here at Indiana University Bloomington, life may be slow but sleeping partners change fast. In a sexually-infused-campus full of 32,000 undergrads and 8,000 more grad students, odds are there is someone whose parts fit yours.
There’s something for everybody here, whether your type is a dowry Midwest housewife in training or a Madison Avenue socialite who needed the slower paced life of Indiana for a change. Between all the tailgating, general Hoosier Hysteria and mounting anticipation for what’s shaping up to be a fine year for basketball (we’re #1 seed, thank you very much) everybody here is aiming to get laid A$AP like Rocky.
Let’s start with some general clarifications: yes, the girls here are that hot, yes they are everywhere, and yes, for some reason they probably are interested in you whether you’re Elite or you just think you are. Don’t fool yourself though, some universal Big 10/Big School essential truths are still valid here: A nice car, house that can hold 200 random strangers, some Karakov and a few 30 racks of Hamms, buddy, your odds just went through the roof!
So without further ado, the many lovely ladies you’ll find at Bloomington and some keys to wooing each…
The “I’m From Chicago” Girl
She is the third Hoosier in this generation of her family, with an older sister having already graduated, a brother a year above her and a cousin probably about to come to IU next semester. Having grown up either in, close to or just outside of Bloomington, she knows all the hotspots, parties and one way streets before anybody asks.
This girl is typically kind, smoking hot and easy to talk to but occasionally you will encounter the bland, Midwestern Honey-Boo-Boo knock off. When you do, run.
The Exotic Foreign Girl
She is exotic by Indiana Standards, meaning this girl can be from New York City or Bangladesh because either one is more exciting than the town we currently reside in. A lot of these girls are Indian beauties with thin frames that still look healthy or young women from every province in China, Singapore, Japan, and Burma. You are just as likely to find an absurdly attractive, super smart girl who speaks poor English in this group as you would in Greek Life, just with different accents.
Long story short- There is a pretty companion to be found regardless of your persuasion. While I didn’t mention every single type of girl available (Bible Belters, for one, deserve their own entry on their unique morals regarding blowjobs…) this densely populated campus presents its choices to you in a welcoming fashion. There is more tail here than most nights at the Grotto, so go out and keenly search for the perfect score.
Sam Braverman | Elite.