The Types Of Girls You Encounter At Indiana University

The Types Of Girls You Encounter At Indiana University
World

Here at Indiana University Bloomington, life may be slow but sleeping partners change fast. In a sexually-infused-campus full of 32,000 undergrads and 8,000 more grad students, odds are there is someone whose parts fit yours.

There’s something for everybody here, whether your type is a dowry Midwest housewife in training or a Madison Avenue socialite who needed the slower paced life of Indiana for a change. Between all the tailgating, general Hoosier Hysteria and mounting anticipation for what’s shaping up to be a fine year for basketball (we’re #1 seed, thank you very much) everybody here is aiming to get laid A$AP like Rocky.

Let’s start with some general clarifications: yes, the girls here are that hot, yes they are everywhere, and yes, for some reason they probably are interested in you whether you’re Elite or you just think you are. Don’t fool yourself though, some universal Big 10/Big School essential truths are still valid here: A nice car, house that can hold 200 random strangers, some Karakov and a few 30 racks of Hamms, buddy, your odds just went through the roof!

So without further ado, the many lovely ladies you’ll find at Bloomington and some keys to wooing each…

The “I’m From Chicago” Girl

She is not, I repeat, NOT, from Chicago. Maybe some smaller suburb or town right outside of Chicago but the amount of times the “Chicago” girl will reference Chi-Town in some kind of otherworldly grating sing-song which will make you want to cut off your ears in the process.

She is probably involved in Greek Life, the rare exceptions being the Conservatory Girl who is also a Chicago Girl and any Kelley Kellys. She might be worth a night on the dance floor or a few rounds at Killroy’s, but all in all she’s better as an acquaintance past that.

The Greek Girl

She is that absurdly attractive girl with huge breasts that any young man imagines when they are 12 as a symbol for what college is supposed to be like. Elusive yet always abundant, a fan of good liquor and better cocaine, she’s expensive and usually worth it. She is real everybody, good luck.

The Conservatory Girl

She doesn’t necessarily attend the Jacobs School or even study music but these are the artists, actors and writers who eschew opulent frat houses and Natty for disgusting basements and PBR. Garage and house parties with a danceable band are her thing, she shops consistently at Bloomingfoods and will probably scare and excite you in the bedroom if you can make it that far.

Since Bloomington is such a quintessential college town with girls to match, the Conservatory Girl with her unique outlook and different friends can make for an invigorating detour from the traditional chick.

Kelley Kellys

She will look at you and immediately evaluate your present, potential and lifetime earnings, then make her move. She is smart, typically more than a bit sassy and very tenacious. These girls get what they want and that can be both good and bad for their partners.

Kelley Kellys are named as such because I’ve met at least 8 Kelly’s who go to the Kelley School of Business…this week. There are a lot of them. These ladies live in and out of the business school, LLCs and make up a large portion of the Smallwood Apartments. She is probably from a coast or was at the top of her class and will definitely let you know it.

The Carmel/Kokomo/Columbus/Batesville/Townie Girl

She is the third Hoosier in this generation of her family, with an older sister having already graduated, a brother a year above her and a cousin probably about to come to IU next semester. Having grown up either in, close to or just outside of Bloomington, she knows all the hotspots, parties and one way streets before anybody asks.

This girl is typically kind, smoking hot and easy to talk to but occasionally you will encounter the bland, Midwestern Honey-Boo-Boo knock off. When you do, run.

The Exotic Foreign Girl

She is exotic by Indiana Standards, meaning this girl can be from New York City or Bangladesh because either one is more exciting than the town we currently reside in. A lot of these girls are Indian beauties with thin frames that still look healthy or young women from every province in China, Singapore, Japan, and Burma. You are just as likely to find an absurdly attractive, super smart girl who speaks poor English in this group as you would in Greek Life, just with different accents.

Long story short- There is a pretty companion to be found regardless of your persuasion. While I didn’t mention every single type of girl available (Bible Belters, for one, deserve their own entry on their unique morals regarding blowjobs…) this densely populated campus presents its choices to you in a welcoming fashion. There is more tail here than most nights at the Grotto, so go out and keenly search for the perfect score.

Sam Braverman | Elite. 

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