Man Decides To Wax His Hair And Actually Ends Up Waxing His Butt Shut

Everyone can agree that personal grooming is great. Great until, that is, things go horribly wrong and you end up with your butt waxed shut.

Such is the case with one man who attempted to wax his butt by himself. Turns out that was a huge mistake.

In a post on Reddit, BiPolarAmpersand announced his problem to fellow users with the title: "Dear Reddit, Today, I Fucked Up." From there, he goes into one hilarious, butt-waxing melodrama, writing,

So me, being the hairy young man I am, decided I've had enough. I'm going to wax my bottom. I've never disliked being hairy, but whenever I use the toilet I just feel like I'm never really clean down there. I just can't take it anymore.

Using a self-waxing kit, this dude got a mirror, squatted down and went to work. But after pulling the strip back, he realized he messed up -- BIG TIME. As he explains in his post,

Panic sets in, I try again.... same result. Without thinking I stand up and whoops, the wax pressed against the other cheek and my ass is now stuck together. Sigh. Trying to get the wax off only worsened my condition. I tried to shower in warm water to get the wax to melt, but alas the wax only solidified. Currently on my bed, bum in the air, crying. Fml

Should someone call an ambulance for this guy?? Just when you start to actually worry, he updates his post with this:

Update: Thanks for the tips and support, after sulking about my failure for about half an hour, I mustered up the courage to call a good female friend. She laughed for a good 10 min, but she's on her way. Really have to poop, shiggghh Update 2: The female friend had finally arrived and she laughed some more. She used some weird wax oil and removed the wax from my bum. She offered to pay for a professional waxing, I gladly declined and said that I'm happy being hairy and any one that complains can eat my drain clog. The events is permanently burned into my mind, the stickiness never leaves you.

"The stickiness never leaves you." Someone needs to print that on a bumper sticker.

Citations: This Guy Made A Very Poor Life Choice And Now His Butthole Is Waxed Shut (BroBible)