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This Single Dude’s Holiday Card Will Make You Laugh And Then Cry Alone

I’m not sure if you know this about pet birds, but they can get lonely. The way you can help them with their loneliness is to place a small mirror in their cage.

Coincidentally, I also get lonely and sometimes have dinner with myself in the mirror.

#ForeverAlone isn’t just a hashtag for me — it’s a lifestyle. I even know how to give myself the Heimlich should I start to choke on my dinner-for-one Lean Cuisine.

The holidays are an exceptionally hard time.

Not only do you have to deal with your grandma asking where your nonexistent boyfriend is, but you also have to see all your friends and their lovers share their joy on social media and Christmas cards…

No longer, my friends. Fool them with this simple trick taught to us by this perpetually single dude.

John Olmstead, of Mattoon, Illinois, gets me on a spiritual level.

Honestly, I’m just very impressed by his gams. You had me fooled, John. You had me fooled…

Olmstead told Mashable,

I was just sitting at home bored and remembered that I had seen a picture of a girl doing it.

Why Having A Pet Is Better Than Being In A Relationship [GEN WHY]

Most people use their real legs as the original “legs,” but Olmstead opted to wear the girl outfit on the bottom instead for a very practical reason. He said,

I thought it was hilarious, so I wanted to do it, but my arms are too skinny to look like legs. So, I had to improvise and shove my feet into those tiny boots. I thought it would be funny to wear the girl shoes just to throw people off.

At first, I was fooled, but now I’m intrigued.

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert happy smile stephen colbert hey

And just to cement the fact that he is truly #ForeverAlone, he took the photo himself. He added,

I actually had to use the self timer on my phone and I had it propped on a laundry basket … I was home alone so I had to improvise.

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Hope Schreiber

Editor

Hope Schreiber was raised on a mountain in New York and somehow found her way to LA. She is an expert in folklore, demonology, and can pronounce 'charcuterie.'
Hope Schreiber was raised on a mountain in New York and somehow found her way to LA. She is an expert in folklore, demonology, and can pronounce 'charcuterie.'

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