The trailer for NBA 2K14 was just released this past week, and honestly I’m appalled. Alright, call me that spoiled brat who is never satisfied, but aside from the graphics looking almost identical to real life graphics — why would I buy this game? So what if I feel like I’m actually controlling a real life NBA game, with brilliant graphics and majestic gameplay?
Where are the new features? Well, instead of sitting around and becoming complacent with the lackluster product 2K is offering us this year, only to be regurgitated next year, I took matters into my own hands and designed a few new ways 2K could improve its ’14 version while there’s still some time for them to tweak.
Given that the fellas at 2k have already chosen cover boy LeBron James, I decided “hey, why fix something that’s not broken.” Here are 10 new concepts for NBA2K14, along with their respective cover improvements, for you to check out.
NBA 2K14 Yo Momma Edition
This version brings us 2K’s most interesting feature to date. The all-new “Delonte Mode” lets you play as your favorite NBA superstar on the court AND in the bedroom, with LeBron’s whorish creator, Gloria James! Use cheat code WEST69 for a ton of special features.
NBA 2K14 Hairline Edition
With the Hairline Edition, there comes a game within the game, as you attempt to battle LeBron’s baldness in addition to winning a championship. Accumulate points by completing achievements and try to hold off the unstoppable force, that is, LeBron’s hairline.
NBA 2K14 Magician Edition
2K Magician Edition allows you to play as LeBron in the 4th quarter, as he does his best disappearing act. Just when you think you had fun through 3 quarters (scoring close to a triple double), just wait till the 4th when you vaporize into oblivion.
NBA 2K14 Flop Edition
Flop Edition brings you “Flop Mode” where you are rewarded XP Points for flopping in the most absurd ways. Compete against the likes of all the greats, including Lance Stephensen and Anderson Verajao.
NBA 2K14 Decision Edition
The Decision Edition actually contains no real basketball gameplay. The premise of this edition is to help LeBron James make better decisions. Like abandoning his beloved hometown for Chris Bosh.
NBA 2K14 No Homo Edition
In this version of 2K, you are given full reign over post game press conferences. From the attire you choose, to the content of your post game schpeel, your control now transcends to after the game, too. Be careful, though — saying “no homo” could cost you.
NBA 2K14 LeGod Edition
LeGod Edition focuses on the LeBron James we see occasionally, when he actually decides to try. With the new LeGod mode, you start the game with 30 points on 60% field goal shooting. Enjoy.
NBA 2K14 Not One Edition
In order to beat NBA2k14 Not One Edition, you must accumulate 8 championships with LeBron James. Yeah, it’s impossible to beat.
NBA 2K14 Player 99 Edition
LeBron James is actually not in this version of the game. The Miami Heat’s best player, in fact, is “Player 99,” the 6’8” small forward who wears #6. First name Player, last name 99. Perhaps this is to pay homage to when Michael Jordan withheld from the NBA Player’s Association and the old 90’s NBA video games couldn’t use his likeliness.
NBA 2K14 LeBron Party Edition
The LeBron Party Edition provides a game mode similar to Mario Party, where you can compete against your friends in mini games, using all of the “LeBrons” from his old commercials.