Most girls are not fun to watch football with. One way or another, they will make their presence known with their verbal reactions to the plays that will make you feel like this is just another way they can force all the attention in the room onto them.
We get that you are probably watching with us to be a part of an activity we truly view as special, but that doesn’t mean you have the right to turn the part of the week we look forward to the most into a stressful endeavor.
Whether they know what they are talking about or not, girls simply get in the way when it comes to watching football because we find ourselves worrying about what they will do or say next rather then the game itself. Virtually all of their comments and questions will just give off the overall message “I’m a girl, this is why this is weird for me.”
Here is a list compiling the different types of girls that all pose their own threats in terms of sucking the fun out of a football game to the point where it seems like they are only there to piss you off.
The girl who couldn’t give a shit. She’s usually one of your friends’ girlfriends, who your friend for some reason always thinks it’s necessary to bring along. She sits on her phone the entire time or tries to make conversation during the most important moments of the game.
Occasionally, she even threatens to change the channel, or asks to use your laptop to go on Facebook when you are clearly using it to check your fantasy match-up. This girl has no business being over for Sunday football and makes you consider why you’re even friends with your friend in the first place.
The girl who pretends she knows what she’s talking about. This girl usually has a brother or ex boyfriend who was a fan of your local team, so therefore she pretends to be really interested in the outcome of the game. She only knows the name of the quarterback and the top player and finds it necessary to keep saying their names, even when they’re not on the field.
This girl tries to be cool and act like one of the guys but it’s pretty unanimous by the end of the first quarter that everyone wants to kill her because she represents all that could go wrong with the average football fan.
The girl who asks too many questions. It’s cute to explain the rules of sports to your girlfriend, but it’s annoying when she literally doesn’t know anything. Questions from “how do they keep moving those lines”, to “how come they keep throwing garbage on the field” can drive any football fan insane, regardless of how hot the girl is. Having your girlfriend show interest is appreciated, but being interrogated every five minutes is no way to enjoy the game.
The girl who is too sensitive. This is the kind of girl who gets squeamish every time there’s a big hit. She acts as if she’s watching ‘The Haunting’ instead of a football game. She worries about every player that gets hit and occasionally roots for the other team because she “feels bad that no one is cheering for them.” This girl should spend her Sundays at a petting Zoo or a child orphanage, not watching the game with you.
The girl who enjoys getting under your skin. She’s a competitive girl by nature who takes advantage of every opportunity available to get you riled up. This is the kind of girl who cheers for the other team, just to piss you off. She’s loud and obnoxious, and though she thinks she is being cute by bickering with you, that time she rubbed that interception in your face you actually wanted to punch her in her face.
The woman who literally gave birth to you. The Thanksgiving football games are always tough to sit through because you have to watch them with your entire family. Your Mom knows how passionate you are about your football and because she loves you she becomes passionate, too.
She cheers in the corniest way possible, embarrassing the shit out of you and complaining when there is a bad call just to add salt to injury. She thinks she is being a “cool Mom” by high-five-ing you every time something good happens, when all you want her to do is shut the heck up and go check on the turkey.
The girl who actually knows more than you. Now men, I know this is a rare one, but you can’t exclude those couple of girls who grew up as the youngest in an all male household and was practically brought up on Sunday football. She is so intense about her team that it actually scares you because you’ve never seen a girl so angry that you haven’t cheated on.
She can answer every one of your demeaning sports trivia questions, and can even chug a beer faster than you. This girl is cool to have around initially, but ultimately becomes intimidating and makes you uncomfortable. You’re a girl. You’re not supposed to challenge me on a football question and actually be right.
I’m not saying that you can’t have a good time watching a football game with a girl. Hey lets face it, all girls look sexy in a football jersey (unless they actually look like Nick Mangold). I’m just saying it’s very hard to enjoy watching a game with any of these girls. Point being, when you watch the game all of your focus and concern should be on the field, not on how the girl next to you is going to react.
Your comments will freak us out and probably make us look at you in a strange light for the following days to come. No offense ladies, but we prefer not to be disoriented when enjoying our most treasured past time.
@TylerGildin | Elite.
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