Some people just don’t know how good they have it till it’s gone. I experienced this first hand. Jeez, takes me back to my kindergarten days. Everyday, promptly after reading our daily quota of Shel Silverstein, we had (goddamn) snack time (cue Rex Ryan clip….now).
At that age, I was the Colin Powell of maintaining “domestic-nosh” relations. Need help with your puzzle? That will cost you an Oreo. Want to borrow my Pokemon cards for show and tell? Hand over that Hi-C, my man. It wasn’t all business though. That brings us to my rendezvous with Katy. Katy and I had something special. Although we were only 5 and a half, our relationship lasted 6 full weeks (which, if you put it in perspective is like a 4 year relationship for someone in their 20s). Each morning after unpacking my LEGO kit (and organizing my cubby), I would prop my ass down next to Katy — who would then (like clockwork) pass me her Dunkaroo pack (with all the icing left intact) in exchange for my company. I never asked why she didn’t eat the pack (or scoop the icing portion with a spoon, at least), I just munched away and enjoyed the blessings of a good thing.
Like I said, that lasted for a few weeks, until one day I came in late (after a doctor’s appointment), and was forced to sit next to another girl, Farwah. Now see, Farwah didn’t have Dunkaroos. Farwah had epic homemade Indian treats. They enticed me. Before long, I couldn’t resist, and the next thing I knew –Katy was in the corner crying after seeing me indulge in Farwah’s curry niblets (whatever, enough time has passed, they were DANK).
The next day, I tried explaining myself, but Katy wanted none of it. Dunkaroos, gone. In the blink of an eye. I hope A.J. McCarron crosses paths with this piece and can learn a lesson from the error of my ways. I had something good…A.J. McCarron has something good. Katherine Webb is real good (ask Brent Musburger).
Well, reports have surfaced that last Saturday, bikini model Margaret Wood crashed at McCarron’s pad after “one too many.” As you could probably imagine, this has caused some turbulence with McCarron’s girlfriend, Katherine Webb. There’s no word on what exactly happened Saturday night during Wood’s stay at Chateau McCarron, but I think it’s a safe assumption he wasn’t throwing her posts all night (in the conventional sense, at least).
Here’s my advice to the fine young athlete, Mr. McCarron. Wake up dude. You got a great thing going, why are you flirting with the forbidden fruit (when you already got your hands on some fruit, by the name of Katherine Webb). For the record, Webb’s a much better look anyway. Okay, bring Musburger back in here.