The Dream Team Of Partying: Baseball

Preston Waters

There has been a ton of talk about the Dream Team all over the sporting world. Here at Elite Daily, we have decided to go ahead and create our very own Dream Teams composed of current players. The only exception to this dream team is that it requires a different skill set than that on the diamond. Ever wonder what athletes you would like to party with?

Starting with Major League Baseball, we will be creating lists of the biggest partiers in their respective sports. Our roster should shake up to include these players:

Starting Pitcher

Let’s start of the list off with San Francisco Giants Tim Lincecum. The 2-time Cy Young Winner, nicknamed “The Freak”, knows how to party. In 2011, Lincecum was sued by his landlord for allegedly trashing and stealing from his $1.7 million apartment that he was renting in San Francisco.


After one of his parties, $200,000 worth of damage was committed in the apartment, including doors, furniture, artwork, lights and household appliances. Let’s not forget that Tim is also an avid smoker of marijuana – which doesn’t hurt too much in the party category.


Lets face it, catchers aren’t the biggest ragers in baseball. When he isn’t calling a game from behind the plate this guy is known for his looks more than his partying. Joe Mauer, of the Minnesota Twins, was actually known as the MLB’s most eligible bachelor before his engagement in 2011.


For those who don’t know much about baseball, Mauer is the Head & Shoulders Shampoo spokesman that women have been falling head over heels for. Get this guy to come out with us, and who knows what club floor his engagement ring will be found in!


Everyone loves the big, happy guy in the room and this man is no different. David Ortiz, of the Boston Red Sox, is one of the most admired players in the league. Ortiz has been seen partying with the likes of 50 Cent, and even owns several clubs in his native country of the Dominican Republic. He was once sued by Jay-Z in 2010 for using the name 40/40 for one of his clubs.


Ortiz is one to make sure that you are having a good time, and this is what makes him a great partier. He doesn’t fair well with his baseball glove, which is why he seldom plays first base, so let’s hope the only glove he’s carrying around is Trojan.


Robinson Cano, of the New York Yankees, has joined the elite of Major League Baseball with his athletic ability and is now the favorite for AL MVP in 2012. So what’s left to do? Celebrate of course.


It is often hard to find pictures of athletes being promiscuous online. Cano proves unlucky in this category when pictures of him surfaced in 2009 and 2010 with some girls on the road. Guesses are that, although he does not know much English, he knows enough to get his fair share of panties.


This man is the team captain of MLB’s Party Dream Team. With a history of alcohol related incidents and being belligerent, Cabrera is a no brainer here at third base. His run-ins with the law include: a 6:00 a.m. phone call from his wife in which he was seen later that day with scratches on his face after blowing three times the legal limit (.26); an altercation at a restaurant where he threatened others and indicated that he had a gun and his pants; and his latest DUI arrest in 2011 where he blew a (.24).


When stopped by police for drunk driving, he proceeded to take a sip of his James Buchanan Scotch Whiskey and asked the cop, “Do you know who I am?” with a couple of fuck-you’s thrown in between. He was later charged with DUI and an additional two counts of misdemeanor resisting arrest without violence. This is the kind of guy you want to party with.


Cue in Bob Sheppard’s pre-recorded announcement of ‘The Captain”. To no surprise, Derek Jeter is the guy you want to party with at shortstop. I have heard multiple stories of women seeing Derek Jeter out in the city and, of course, him having his way with them. The kick here is that when a girls awakes in the morning, Jeter is nowhere to be found. Jeter leaves behind signed memorabilia and thanks them for the great night – what a guy.


The veteran shortstop is also highly experienced in the dating scene. His former girlfriends include Adriana Lima, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel and Minka Kelly – just to name a few smokeshows. If there is anyone that can be considered as one of the Elite of MLB it is Derek Jeter.


Starting our stellar outfield of partiers is none other than Josh Hamilton. At the young age of 31, Josh Hamilton has been through it all. His troubled past with drugs and alcohol has been a huge part of his life. He was drafted in 1999 and made his Major League Debut 8 years later because of his addiction. The 2010 AL MVP has come a long way, but that does not take away from him being a crazy man.


To make a long story short, the guy has done it all, from marijuana to being a crack addict. After being sober for four years, he had a relapse, both in 2009 and early 2012. In one relapse, pictures were taken of him shirtless and was heard asking around for cocaine. Josh is always down for the good time – just once every few years.


This center fielder joins Tim Lincecum as the other Californian on the team. Matt Kemp has simply enjoyed the LA lifestyle. In ESPN the Magazine, he was quoted as saying, “In Los Angeles, there was always a party to go to or a new bar to check out. It had become more and more difficult to get up in the morning for workouts.”


Matt Kemp has become a national celebrity, especially in Los Angeles. He can be seen sitting courtside at Lakers games and attending the hottest clubs, fighting off groupies and paparazzi. The two-time All Star has even gained fame outside of the diamond from dating Rihanna. The good thing is that Matt Kemp is now single and is back to enjoying the LA lifestyle with his 8-year, $160 million contract. Time to blow some of that money with Matt during a night on the town.


I hate to insert another Yankee at right field, but this guy deserves it. Let’s face it: he is not your normal Yankee. Nick Swisher is known for his outgoing personality and has become a fan favorite – unless you’re playing against him. He has single-handedly turned the boring Yankee clubhouse into a place where you don’t have to watch what you say.


Swisher will party, and will party hard. There is no way you are not having a good time during a night out with Nick.


In honor of our MLB Party Dream Team theme, we have decided to instead to have a Designated Driver instead of the traditional Designated Hitter. Our designated driver is a no brainer: CJ Wilson is the most straight edge athlete in all of sports. The two-time All Star lives for being sober; his Twitter handle is @str8edgeracer, and he has the words Straight Edge tattooed onto his torso.


Let’s just say we can trust him to get us where we want to go safely, but we are not sure if he’ll like what we’re doing as he abstains from alcohol, illegal drugs,tobacco and promiscuous sex in order to maintain his health. Oops!


This team cannot do it alone. The best teams in sports need a John Wooden, a Vince Lombardi, a Red Auerbach. So we brought in the best of the best: Ron Washington. Washington has admitted to using marijuana and amphetamines as a player, but he has not indicated how much. It was briefly commented as being a ‘slippery slope’.

During the 2009 season, while coaching the Texas Rangers, he tested positive for cocaine. He then led the Rangers to back to back World Series appearances in 2010 and 2011. Legend has it that he will blow a line as big as the foul line if he wins the pennant. Let’s hope for the best.

SP – Tim Lincecum
C – Joe Mauer
1B – David Ortiz
2B – Robinson Cano
3B – Miguel Cabrera
SS – Derek Jeter
LF – Josh Hamilton
CF – Matt Kemp
RF – Nick Swisher
DD – CJ Wilson
Coach – Ron Washington

Alex Munoz | Elite.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Preston Waters


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